To Break a Heart of Glass
by Margo'sShed
Summary: A Love Story. Connie is left broken after a violent sexual attack at the hospital. Max takes it upon himself to find out who the attacker was, and to help her remember what happened so that she can finally move on... (CONTAINS SCENES OF GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND SCENES OF SEX)
1. Chapter 1

_**To Break a Heart of Glass**_

"Connie Beauchamp, 46 years old, trauma to the head and left eye socket, possible internal injuries, there's bleeding and bruising around the inner thighs. She has yet to regain consciousness."

Zoe pushed her full weight against the bed, pushing it hard so that it rumbled through the double doors of RESUS on unwieldy wheels. Dr Knight, Tess and Charlie followed behind her whilst Max walked ahead, one hand loosely gripping the metal bed guard.

"Zoe?"

Charlie spoke quietly, standing behind her as she put the breaks on the bed and stepped back, slipping her stethoscope from about her neck and pushing it into her ears, leaning over Connie who lay slack against the sheets, her head lolled to one side, her eyes showed white as they rolled back in their sockets.

"What happened?"

He whispered, dipping his head to murmur his words, placing a hand on the back of his neck.

Zoe paused, waiting whilst Dr Knight checked Connie's eyes with the light that he held.

"No idea."

She answered quickly, watching Cal, her forehead creased with a frown that throbbed in her temples.

"Max found her in her office."

She said, gesturing to Max with a quick glance.

"Judging by the injuries I'd say we're looking at a possible rape."

Tess spoke from the other side of the bed, her voice low, her face pale.

Zoe nodded briefly, pursing her lips.

"Fuck..."

Cal whispered before he had a chance to stop himself. He cleared his throat and placed the light back on the trolley behind himself.

"Sorry."

He murmured.

Zoe looked to Max, his lips were grey and his hand trembled on the metal of the bed guard.

"Max?"

She pushed the ear pieces of her stethoscope into her ears and placed the cool pad against Connie's chest, her shirt torn, only the very last button holding the folds of bloodied fabric together at the bottom where it bunched about the waistband of her skirt.

"Max..."

She said again once she'd listened to the steady beat of Connie's heart.

"Sorry, what?"

Max looked at her, his eyes, which hadn't left Connie since he had found her, swivelled and looked up. He swallowed, an overwhelming feeling of light headed nausea welling at the back of his head.

"Any ideas?"

She asked, placing her stethoscope back about her neck.

For a moment he looked as though he hadn't quite understood what it was that she had said, but then he shook his head ever so slightly.

"I just heard her scream...I went in...someone ran passed me...I just found her..."

He paused and swallowed, wincing at how dry his throat had become.

"Like that."

He looked to Connie again, her lips were tinged with blue and her eye was beginning to swell and bruise a brilliant violet. Her tights were ripped from her legs and her skirt, which had been pushed up about her waist had been haphazardly tugged down to conceal her modesty, but still there was the blood...the skin of her thighs so pale against the gleaming scarlet blood that dribbled down them, staining the sheets beneath her.

"Max..."

Tess placed a hand upon his shoulder and he turned to her as though he were in a dream.

"You're in shock. Let me take you to the staff room..."

"No, I want to stay with her."

He said quickly, tightening his grip on the bed.

"Mate, there's really nothing you can do."

Cal said quietly, watching as Zoe began cutting the fabric of Connie's skirt to inspect the extent of her injuries.

Tess placed a soft warm hand upon his own.

"We'll let you know she's ok."

She said quietly, squeezing his fingers and placing her other hand at the small of his back, pressing gently, silently pushing him towards the door. He let go of the bed, letting his fingers slip slowly from it leaving white streaks of sweat on the metal that dispersed almost immediately.

"Charlie, could you and Dr Knight take Max and give him the once over please, I need Tess to stay."

Zoe said quietly, pausing in her actions as she caught sight of what she had been expecting to see.

"And a privacy screen please, Charlie..."

She added.

**A new idea for a Connie/Max story. Will continue if requested and enjoyed :) More soon! x**


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark, the night sky was ablaze with the New York hum of traffic, of the squeal of breaks, the crunch of tyres and above the stars rained down in a flurry of white snow that never seemed to settle.

'Café_ Lola' _the sign illuminated next to the side walk above the entrance, a door which thrummed open and closed more times in the past fifteen minutes than she had cared to count.

The café was nestled into the ground floor of a looming brownstone, with black iron railings that flanked it and olive trees either side of the steps to it's door.

The railings were decorated, threaded through with strings of bright white fairy lights that twinkled, blurred and pix-elated against the damp air.

'Café_ Lola'..._The distant hum of that neon pink sign...

And there she was, on the pavement in front of the café. There seemed to be a hundred of them all on one street but this was the only one where he had seen fit to take her. Their coffee tasted of somewhere far away, served with an little brown biscuit with a cracked surface that tasted of hot ginger and melted in the mouth before you could chew.

She stood, her hands in her pockets, blindly counting the change that nestled there. Her hair was wet from the snow, in her haste she had forgotten her winter coat, the one with the hood, the one that he had bought her from the Armani fall collection.

She licked her lips, they were cold, and try as she might she was unable to keep her teeth from clattering together at the back of her mouth, the sound of it inside her ears, and her knee caps shivered beneath the sheer fabric of her trousers.

She coughed, barely heard in amongst the footsteps of passers by. Her throat hurt and she vaguely wondered if she was coming down with something. There was the bleeping of something, perhaps her phone? And the rattle of the subway in the near distance.

She glanced up, squinting against the snow, peering through it to the clock that hung against the side of the bank opposite. It's face like the moon, silver and illuminated, it's black hands ticking down the moments...

He was la...

Connie opened her eyes. And for a moment she could see nothing, just the bright white light above her. She squeezed her eyes closed. She was laying flat she realised. She swallowed and opened her eyes again, if she squinted against the glare she could see the round grey hull of the bulbs within the lights – they looked familiar.

She turned her head and the room turned with her, she saw the heart monitor, the green lines beating out a rhythm, the doors behind it, the darkness beyond.

The hospital. She opened her eyes wider, she was in the hospital. She looked again to the heart monitor at her side, followed its lead, the heart beat drawn upon the little black screen was her own. She raised up her left hand, her skin was puckered and paper-white and where the line was pushed into her vein there was a heart shaped bloom of purplish-green.

Her head felt heavy against the pillow, her hair tickled her forehead and she raised a hand slowly to swipe it away, her fingers brushing against gauze. She let her fingertips linger, counting...one, two...fourteen strips of gauze over fourteen stitches running from her eyebrow up into her hairline. She frowned and felt the stitches pull.

She coughed and the sound of it was so loud that she jumped, could feel her skin tingle and prickle with the sudden realisation that she was here, in a hospital bed, and she had no recollection of why she was here.

She pulled herself up into a sitting position, closing her eyes whilst she moved to avoid the tilt and roll of the room within her head.

Sitting up she opened her eyes again. She was on her own, but in the distance she could hear the noise of the hospital beyond. The bleeping, the footsteps, the rattle of a trolley...

She turned her head to the doors again, her eyes straining to focus against the light. She blinked and a shadow moved against the glass, just the flicker of a face, the tail of a coat, and the shadow was gone.

She swallowed again, her throat hurt and she wondered briefly if she had had to have a tube put there.

Another movement at the door caught her eye, and with the slow motion blur of a dream the door was pushed open and Tess was before her, her hand reaching for her, her fingers touching her hair, her arm, lowering herself to her level, looking into her face with expectant eyes. Had she said something? She cleared her throat, forced herself to focus her gaze.

"Connie?"

Tess's voice came and all at once she was there, back in the room. She leant backwards slightly so that she could see her properly.

"Connie?"

She asked again.

"I'm..."

Connie paused, unsure of what to say.

"Connie, do you know why you're here?"

A different voice this time and she turned, Zoe...she hadn't seen her enter...

"Can you hear me?"

Zoe asked, placing a hand against her forehead and shining a light into her eyes without warning, making her flinch back,her hand raised to her face.

"Yes, I can hear you."

She spoke but her voice was hoarse and little more than a whisper. She cleared her throat.

"Do you remember why you're here?"

Zoe asked, and Connie watched her as she spoke, her lips seemed to move slower than the words came. Her face was illuminated a bright bronze in the light and her eyes seemed to sparkle as if filled with stars.

"No..."

She whispered, frowning again.

"No."

She repeated.

"Okay, can you look at me, Connie?"

Connie looked up.

"You've been unconscious for six days. You've got stitches along your forehead from a head injury and you'll feel some discomfort when you move due to internal bruising."

Zoe spoke slowly, clearly, but still she had trouble listening, as though she was being told a story but was too tired to listen.

"What happened?"

She asked eventually, drawing in a long breath, feeling the dull wince of a cramp that began to emanate from her pelvic.

Zoe looked to Tess and Connie followed her gaze, her head beginning to throb, the beat of it hurting her ears.

"You were found unconscious in your office."

Tess spoke quietly, and as she did so she held Connie's hand, her thumb running back and forth over her knuckles.

"We have reason to believe that you were sexually assaulted."

She added softly.

**More very soon. Thank you for the lovely comments and requests for this to continue! It is something I have been thinking about writing for a while now so I'm relieved to have finally started getting it written down. **

**I hope you continue to enjoy it. It will get happier soon ;) xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

"What?"

Connie asked, although she had heard perfectly well.

"Judging by your injuries..."

Tess began again but Connie waved a hand to silence her.

She looked at her feet at the end of the bed. Her legs, the outline of them, the rise of her knees beneath the sheets. She felt the vague cramping deep inside her, somewhere beneath her pelvis.

"Who?"

She said finally, exhaling as she spoke and looking back up, turning to Zoe who splayed her hands with a half shrug.

"We were hoping you might be able to remember...?"

She asked slowly.

Connie let her gaze wander, slipping about the room. What the fuck was going on?! She felt the frustration rise, felt the warmth rise within her cheeks and she had to move. The sheets seemed to smother her, the overhead lights were too bright, Tess and Zoe stood too close...

She sat up, she could feel her breath catch in her chest, the air seemed thin and cold and however much she struggled to draw in through gaping lips just didn't seem enough...

A hand was placed on her shoulder, she meant to push it away, the touch making her body wince but somehow she seemed unable to move and the hand pushed her back down against the bed and Tess's voice whispered to her.

"Just breathe, Connie..."

Her voice was all that she heard, her eyes were open but all she could see was the blinding lights above her and black spots of breathlessness that darted aboyut her peripheral vision.

"Breathe in..."

Tess's voice was closer now. She could hear something, the movement of something and the lights above her disappeared.

"And out..."

She exhaled.

"And in..."

The air seemed to flow a little bit easier now, She could see Tess, she no longer touched her, but she remained close, bowed over her, her voice soft and slow as she whispered to her.

Connie swallowed. Her throat still felt sore and dry. She swallowed again.

"I don't remember."

She whispered, and as she spoke she felt her bottom lip crack.

Zoe clasped her hands in front of her.

"The police checked CCTV. Whoever it was was wearing a coat with the hood up so they couldn't see his face."

Zoe neared the bed after making sure that the lights were secured against the far wall.

"They'll want to speak to you and Max."

She added.

"Max?"

Connie frowned, not following.

"He was the one that found you."

Tess explained.

"But I don't remember..."

Connie repeated, looking again to her feet, feeling as though they weren't her own, that this wasn't her body...her life...

"It's ok."

Tess instinctively reached out and placed a hand on Connie's own. The touch made her wince.

"You might remember, in time..."

Zoe cleared her throat and rubbed at her forehead, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"We've made arrangements for you to see someone about it...to talk over what happened..."

"But I cant remember what happened!"

Connie almost laughed as she repeated herself and Tess stood up, hearing someone at the door.

"Just speak to her, she won't just help you to remember, she will help you through this.."

Zoe said, watching Tess near the door, watching as Max was revealed in the doorway.

"I'm not sure I want to remember something that I'd want to forget."

She whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

_**TWO WEEKS LATER**_

**It was a sunny day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of****warm earth. Suicide weather.**  
><strong>Connie peered at the screen of her laptop. Something about the email that she was reading, and had re-read numerous times wasn't making sense, whether it had something to do with Guy's vague way of writing, or her inability to concentrate on the sentences or a complicated mix of the two she wasn't sure.<strong>  
><strong>The door opened, distracting her once again. A nurse she barely recognised dipped her head in apology and made her way to her locker. Connie had somehow found herself taking up residence in the staffroom after her office was cordoned off by the police, and when they had left she hadn't seemed to be able to find the courage to go back...<strong>  
><strong>The door opened again and Zoe poked her head about the door frame, holding onto the door with one hand, gesturing with a patients notes with the other.<strong>  
><strong>"Interrupted again I'm afraid."<strong>  
><strong>She said with a raise of her eyebrows.<strong>  
><strong>Connie glanced down at the laptop, clicked ESC and placed it on the coffee table before her.<strong>  
><strong>"What is it?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, standing, smoothing her dress down about her thighs.<strong>  
><strong>"Lola Fairweather, cubicle five, she's just been sent down from RESUS."<strong>  
><strong>Zoe said, handing the file over to Connie and standing aside in the door frame to let her pass before following her out into the corridor.<strong>  
><strong>"Lola?"<strong>  
><strong>Connie murmured, glancing down at the hand written name.<strong>  
><strong><em>Cafe Lola..."The best coffee on this side of the side walk..."<em>**

**"She was admitted with 3****rd**** degree burns to sixty percent of her body."**

**Zoe continued, pushing the double doors at the end of the corridor that led them out onto the ward.**

**"Attempted suicide."**

**She concluded as Tess hailed them.**

**"Mrs Beauchamp!"**

**Tess greeted her with a slight wobble to her smile and she glanced over her shoulder at the cubicle to which she was about to enter.**

**"Mrs Beauchamp is dealing with this patient?"**

**Tess asked, looking pointedly to Zoe who looked thoroughly confused.**

**"Lola Fairweather?"**

**Zoe said slowly, looking down at the notes that Connie still held.**

**"Yes...it's just..."**

**Tess raised a hand, edging the two women over to the wall where they would not be overheard by anyone inside the cubicle.**

**"Lola is actually a man... Ian Fairweather..."**

**She said quietly. Connie raised an eyebrow.**

**"Ok...?"**

**She pulled the notes tightly to her chest.**

**"Sorry, I just didn't know if you'd feel comfortable?"**

**Tess asked, all to aware that Connie had only treated a handful of patients since the 'incident', as it had come to be known as.**

**"I have no problem with transgendered patients?!"**

**Connie said, feeling slightly baffled by the flush that rose across Tess's cheeks.**

**"No, sorry I'm not being clear at all."**

**She shook her head slightly.**

**"I meant I didn't know if you would be comfortable treating a man...after...what happened?"**

**She let her words end in a whisper as though she were telling a secret. Connie drew in a stifled breath and exhaled loudly.**

**"Well! It was a 50/50 chance."**

**She breathed, rolling her eyes in vague irritation. Must everyone mollycoddle her so?**

**"Yes...well..."**

**Tess touched her finger tips to her lips and looked from a silent Zoe to Connie whose lips were pursed, her eyes fixed upon her own, waiting.**

**"Sorry, yes, I'll let you get on."**

**Tess said with a dip of her head and moved off backwards, taking several steps before turning around and moving over to the nurses station.**

**Connie sucked in a breath, held it for a second too long making her head spin, and then exhaled, puffing out her cheeks and raising a hand to her head. She looked down at the notes.**

**_Cafe Lola..._**

**She moved to the cubicle and pushed open the curtain, only pushing it just far enough so that she could let herself in.**

**Lola Fairweather lay on the bed before her, most of her body was wrapped up tightly in bandages. Her face, remarkably scar free save for a plaster along the left side of her jaw. She didn't look up as Connie entered.**

**"Miss Fairweather?"**

**Connie moved into the room, pulling the curtain back about her tightly.**

**"I'm Connie Beauchamp and I'll be looking after you today."**

**She said, eyes lowered to the pages of notes that she flicked through with her thumb and forefinger.**

**Lola moved her head slowly, her blue eyes sliding to greet her.**

**"Well, aren't you beautiful."**

**Lola spoke quietly, her voice was soft and her tone was somewhat amused.**

**Connie glanced up from the notes, silent.**

**"I'm just here to check that you're in a fit state to..."**

**She paused.**

**"One of my nursing staff should have already told you that we are referring you up to the psychiatric unit to speak to someone there?"**

**Connie folded the notes closed again and placed them on the bedside table.**

**"Oh yes! The little fat one. Once she'd stopped staring..."**

**Lola rolled her eyes again and Connie noted what long eye lashes she had.**

**"Well, I can only apologise on her behalf..."**

**She began but Lola tutted her lips and wafted her least damaged arm theatrically.**

**"Please! I deserve to be stared at! I'd stare at me if I were in her position. What must I look like..."**

**She said with a sigh, and Connie drew in her lips, biting the flesh of her bottom lip and narrowing her eyes in thought as Lola sighed and looked up at the ceiling.**

**"I can have psych come to you if you'd rather?"**

**She asked quietly, and Lola looked sideways at her again with those big blue eyes that seemed to hold so much of the world within them that Connie began to feel lost just looking at her.**

**"And miss the chance to be centre of attention just one last time?"**

**Lola asked, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow. Connie smiled and dipped her head.**

**"Well. I see no reason why you can't be transferred right away. If you'll excuse me whilst I find a porter?"**

**Connie made to exit the cubicle but Lola reached out a hand and caught her by the wrist. She flinched, the sudden grasp of her skin making her breath catch in her chest and she choked on an inward breath causing her to cough. Lola let go, releasing her as if she had accidentally grabbed hold of a pan straight from the oven with bare fingers.**

**From where she lay in the bed, she looked at Connie, saw the fear that she fought so hard to push away, watched her rub at her wrist where she had touched her, her cheeks loosing their colour so quickly that their drain in colour was visible as it happened.**

**"Aren't you going to ask me why I did it?"**

**Lola asked softly, a tilt of her head, her eyes never leaving Connie, who turned back to face her ever so slowly. She swallowed.**

**"No body has asked me why I did it..."**

**Lola added with a frail shrug of her shoulders.**

**Connie cleared her throat, her fingers felt cold.**

**"Why did you do it?"**

**She asked, missing a beat, feeling her voice falter.**

**Lola smiled and reached out for her to come closer.**

**"I did it because I had to."**

**She said simply, shrugging again, taking Connie by surprise with the simpleness of it.**

**"It isn't something you do the first time you think of doing it. It takes some getting used to. And you need the means, the opportunity, the motive. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind..."**

**Lola continued with somewhat unnerving aloofness, as though she were reading from a manual...or indeed writing the manual herself.******

**"****It's important to cultivate detachment. imagining yourself dead, or in the process of dying. If there's a window, you imagine your body falling out the window. If there's a knife, you imagine the knife piercing your skin. If there's a train coming, you imagine your torso flattened under its wheels. ..That's what I did, day in, day out...living in this fucking poor excuse for a body, every day being stared at, laughed at...every day being unhappy about something that I couldn't change."**

**She paused and drew in a breath and Connie found herself taking a step closer to the bed.******

**"****The debate was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark—why not kill myself? Missed the bus—better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie—maybe I shouldn't kill myself...In reality, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and train station a rehearsal for tragedy."**

**She wafted a hand again in that way that Connie could imagine her doing so many times in the past.**

**"Well..."**

**Connie began, more for something to say to break the silence. She paused and pushed a curl of hair from her face to tuck it behind an ear.**

**"I'm sure you'll get all the help that you need, our nurses are really very..."**

**Lola scoffed at her words, silencing her, raising her hand once again and touching her fingers against Connie's wrist ever so gently...**

**"Tell me that you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin and pray for the courage to press down?"**

**She whispered.**

****More soon! Thank you so much for the reviews so far xxx****

****J-Mith: You may well be on to something there...x****

****M-is-for-MollyMansfieldMealing : (gosh you have a long name!) Sorry to make you almost cry, I will try harder next time! So glad you're enjoying it, thank you for all of the lovely comments that you write! It will get happier very soon x****


	5. Chapter 5

"Connie?"

Tess stopped abruptly as Connie exited the cubicle, two porters were busy wheeling out Lola, manoeuvring her bed through the green curtains and out onto the ward so that they could push her out and up to the psychiatric unit.

"Are you ok?!"

Tess asked, reaching out to Connie, but remembering as her hand almost touched her and she shrunk back, instead she folded her arms across her chest, but still her eyes were concerned, reaching out to Connie who stood, pale, her lips parted as though she were trying to steady her breathing.

"What happened?"

She asked, her fingers twitching, her instincts wanting to reach out again.

"Connie?"

She spoke louder this time and Connie noticed her, she glanced up, her cheeks so white, so pale that her freckles showed through her make up, a scatter of marks across her nose, her cheeks, that were barely visible usually.

"Nothing."

She said, though her words did little to convince even herself.

She unclenched her fingers that she held by her side, she had been clenching her fists, and when she raised her hand to her face there were little half moon shapes embedded in her flesh.

"I'm just going to..."

She squinted her eyes, she had no idea what it was that she was going to do. She looked again at Tess, a queer look of complete confusion within her hazel eyes.

"I think I left something in my car."

She said eventually. The ward seemed so loud...she heard Tess call her name but she chose to ignore it, instead she turned on her heel, feeling the swivel of it, the tilt, the wobble. She turned the corner and felt arms grab her, fingers claw her, her body bumped full length into someone. She felt the back of her knees weaken.

"No..."

She whispered.

"_No..." She'd screamed, she could feel it...remembered it..._

She reached out for the wall to steady herself but the arms about her remained and she felt herself begin to panic, felt her throat tighten and the air become icy cold as she choked against it.

"Connie?"

Max.

She looked at the man who held her, his arms around her so that she didn't fall, her body so limp against him. She caught her breath, eyes remaining on his.

"Max..."

She whispered. She hadn't seen him properly since 'the incident', she'd only caught the odd flicker of his burgundy top out of the corner of her eye, or heard his laugh.

"You're al-right."

He spoke so quietly.

"You're al-right..."

He repeated, she felt his grip upon her loosen ever so slightly as he tried to gauge whether or not she could stand unaided. She straightened her legs, felt them wobble, the muscles in her thighs trembled, but she stood, she took a step back from him, swallowed.

"Thank you."

She whispered, averting her gaze, all too aware of the stares that surrounded them. She could feel Tess at her back, knew she was there, watching, waiting to be needed as she had known she always would be.

"Max, could you take Mrs Beauchamp and get her a drink please?"

She heard Tess speak. Her voice irritated her.

"I'm fine."

She refused to turn to face her.

"You're _not _fine."

Tess neared her, she could feel her breath against her back and she shivered. She turned, looking down at the nurse, her eyes a glacial picture of exhaustion and shielded panic.

"You need to go, now, and have a drink. If you'd rather someone else go with you..."

She began but Connie shook her head, swallowing hard against the dryness within her mouth.

"I'd rather it be him."

She whispered.

Tess looked pointedly at Max. She'd seen how his presence seemed to calm her, how when Connie had realised it was him that she had bumped into, him that had caught her she had recovered quicker than the other times that Tess had witnessed over the past two weeks.

"Take as long as you need."

She said simply and turned away from them.

Connie looked at Max, how stiffly he stood before her, his gaze shifting awkwardly as he pushed his hands into his back pockets and rocked back and forth on the soles of his feet.

"You don't have to."

She attempted a smile and he widened his eyes at her.

"Do you know what happened to the last person who didn't do what Tess said?"

He asked, leaning forward slightly, speaking in a stage whisper.

She laughed and watching a gaggle of teenage girls pass them by.

"So! Where am I taking you?"

He asked, hoping he hadn't taken out the crumpled ten pound note that he had found in his jeans that morning.

"I'm sure Honey could make you one of her 'special' teas..."

He added and she raised her eyebrows.

"No...thank you."

She cleared her throat.

"Come with me."

She said, moving around him and moving off to the hospital entrance.

"I thought I was supposed to be taking you somewhere?"

He asked, following. She glanced back at him, a hint of herself returning as she quirked her lips, the corners turning down in a half smile.

"Do you know where we're going?"

She asked as he caught up with her.

"Fair play...carry on."

He said, skipping ahead a couple of steps and holding open the door for her as they made their way out into reception.

"Thank you."

She narrowed her eyes slightly. Passing him, their bodies grazing one another.

They crossed the car park to the pub, Max, with his hands firmly in his pockets, shivering against the cold, following Connie and her quick, sharp strides.

It was beginning to rain and the sky above them was darkening, a heavy grey/brown that threatened a storm.

They reached the doors and once again he caught a hold of it, holding it open for her before she could reach out. She smiled, a genuine smile, a smile that made shadows of her dimples in her cheeks and caused a flush of colour – just the hint of it- back into her cheeks.

"I'll order."

She said, glancing about the pub. There were three groups of people she didn't recognise.

"You find a table."

She added, and without another word she moved over to the bar. Max stood for a moment, watching her, the slow graceful movement of her, manoeuvring her body with ease throughout the scatterings of chairs and tables and raucous laughter.

She watched her lean against the bar to speak to the bar maid. How quickly she seemed to recover...

He chose the most secluded table he could find, nestled into the side of the fire place. Tall pews with backs so high that once they had sat down they would be hidden from sight of anyone else within the pub.

He hovered by it, not wanting to sit, for fear she wouldn't spot him. Instead he stood, slightly stiffly, deliberately ignoring the glances of the various people at the various other tables.

Connie turned, he watched her. She moved away from the bar, tucking her hair behind her ears. He saw her hesitate, a glimmer of something within her eyes. She was looking at the table she would have to pass by in order to get to him. Since she had moved to the bar one of the men had leant back in his chair so that there was little room for her to pass.

He saw the quicken of her breath at her throat, saw her hands clench and release at her sides as though she was willing the strength just to step forwards. Her eyes firmly fixed on the seat where the man sat, surrounded by his friends.

One of them said something, caught the other man's attention, the one who had pushed his chair back. He looked up to her, his eyes caught hers. He said something to her, what it was Max couldn't hear but the men about him chuckled and he saw Connie recoil, only slightly, but still she stepped back, licked her lips, and as the man lurched suddenly, moving in his chair with a loud squeal of wood on slate flooring, she jumped and Max moved, without thinking.

He moved towards her, took the few short steps to her, reached out to her behind the man, ignoring the looks, the glances, the comments. He held his hand steady, looked at her, saw her blink, seemingly trying to shake herself free of this paralysing fear.

She took his hand, he felt how it shook within his own, how cold It was, how pale it was against his own. He guided her through, pulled her to himself and kept a hold of her, placing his free hand cautiously against her back, guiding her towards the table.

He felt her exhale as they reached it.

"Sorry."

She whispered, her voice was different, strained, as though she were being strangled, and all at once he realised she had tears within her eyes.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for."

He let go of her fingers as she slipped into the gap between the pew and the table, sitting close to the window, her hands resting on the dark wood of the table top.

She drew in a deep breath and exhaled before looking up at him.

"You're far too nice."

She laughed, but her breath caught and she coughed.

He side stepped into the seat opposite her, mirroring her, hands upon the table,just inches from her own.

"I'm worried about you."

He said with a shrug, narrowing his eyes, dipping his head to catch her gaze. She looked up at him and smiled.

"When you were a boy did you save the bird with the broken wing?"

She asked, biting her lip. He raised an eyebrow.

"What did you do? Tear them off?"

He asked, sucking in his cheeks, watching her, her arc of a perfect eyebrow, her lips fell partially open, and then she laughed, quietly, but laughed nonetheless.

He winked at her and pushed himself back in his seat, leaning back against the plum cushions and cleared his throat, watching as the bar maid came over with a bottle of wine and two glasses that she set on the table between them.

"Should you be drinking?"

He asked as the bar maid departed with a brief nod and a smile.

Connie **paused, her hand mid-way to the bottle. She looked at him, expressionless.**

**"With the way I am at the moment, I'm sure no body will notice a change in my performance."**

**She sucked in a breath and began to pour, filling up both glasses.**

**"It might actually improve matters."**

**She added, raising her glass to her lips, her breath showing against it as she took a sip.**

**Max took his own glass within his hand, eyeing it, he wasn't used to drinking wine...especially half way through the day.**

**She looked at him across the table.**

**"You can blame me if Tess catches you staggering."**

**She said quietly. **

**Max smiled.**

**"Thanks..."**

**He whispered.**

****More tonight! xxx****


	6. Chapter 6

**"So!"**  
><strong>Max stretched his arms behind his head. The second glass of wine had left him mildly light headed. <strong>  
><strong>"Hmm?"<strong>  
><strong>Connie held her wine glass as though she were about to drop it. In fact it barely looked like she held it at all, it just seemed to rest between the soft tips of her fingers, the bowl of it tilted at an alarming angle as she swilled it gently so that the last of the wine swirled gold at the bottom of it.<strong>  
><strong>"Can you really remember nothing?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, the drink making him bold.<strong>  
><strong>She cast her eyes down to the table where he splayed out his fingers, letting them fall from behind his head.<strong>  
><strong>"I can't remember anything."<strong>  
><strong>She confirmed, her eyes dazed, she shook her head, then almost immediately looked more alert and put her glass to her lips, tipping it up so that the last of it dribbled into her mouth.<strong>  
><strong>She swallowed and he saw the soft rise and fall of her throat before she set the glass back down on the table with surprising steadiness.<strong>  
><strong>"They want me to have counselling...to remember..."<strong>  
><strong>She sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly into the air between them. She looked up at him, her head lowered.<strong>  
><strong>"I never did say thank you."<strong>  
><strong>She said quietly.<strong>  
><strong>He raised his eyes to meet hers.<strong>  
><strong>He shook his head.<strong>  
><strong>"You don't need to thank me."<strong>  
><strong>He said.<strong>  
><strong>She smiled, and silence fell upon them for several moments, until Max shifted once more, the stiff straight back of the pew growing uncomfortable.<strong>  
><strong>"Don't you want to remember?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, placing his elbows on the table again and leaning across it so that his rib cage leant against the edge of it. He looked at her. He'd never had the privilege of looking at her so close up before. She was alarmingly beautiful. Her freckles, her skin...her eyes...so perfect, so beautiful and yet so full of sadness...<strong>  
><strong>"You're staring..."<strong>  
><strong>She whispered, dipping her head so that her hair fell from behind her ear. She tucked it back with graceful fingers and Max looked hurriedly down at the table, where a pool of condensation gathered at the base of his glass.<strong>  
><strong>"Sorry."<strong>  
><strong>He whispered. She smiled ever so slightly.<strong>  
><strong>"I don't know what good it will do. To remember..."<strong>  
><strong>She said, her voice low, aware of the other people nearby.<strong>  
><strong>"It would help the police catch whoever did it..."<strong>  
><strong>He said, daring to look back up at her. She pursed her lips.<strong>  
><strong>"You sound like Tess."<strong>  
><strong>She breathed, raising an eyebrow.<strong>  
><strong>Max shifted again, the pew that he sat on creaked beneath him and rocked on the uneven flag stone flooring.<strong>  
><strong>"You always do that."<strong>  
><strong>He said, unsure once he'd said it as to whether he meant to say it out loud. She looked puzzled.<strong>  
><strong>"Do what?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked. <strong>  
><strong>"Raise your eyebrow."<strong>  
><strong>He said, feeling the warmth flush his face. He leant back against the seat again and scratched at his eyebrow.<strong>  
><strong>"Do I?"<strong>  
><strong>She smiled at his embarrassment and leant her forearms against the table, leaning forward.<strong>  
><strong>"It's what makes you so bloody terrifying!"<strong>  
><strong>He admitted, reaching out and drawing a finger through the puddle of condensation, using his fingertip to draw lines out from it so that it looked like a spider.<strong>  
><strong>"Terrifying? I'm flattered..."<strong> **She murmured, watching his finger.**  
><strong>He glanced up at her, not sure whether or not she was being sarcastic.<strong>  
><strong>"And sexy."<strong>  
><strong>He added, pushing his embarrassment aside. In for a penny, in for a pound...<strong>  
><strong>This time she raised both eyebrows, and seemingly aware of what she was doing, lowered them almost instantly.<strong>  
><strong>"Are you trying to seduce me Mr Walker?!"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, suppressing a laugh.<strong>  
><strong>"Trying? No... failing? Yes."<strong>  
><strong>He admitted with a hunch of his shoulders and he drew both arms in to himself, folding them loosely across his chest.<strong>  
><strong>"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure."<strong>  
><strong>She murmured, reaching out for her empty wine glass and circling it's rim with her thumb and forefinger, dribbles of condensation falling, slipping down the glass in dancing rivulets of water that skimmed it's stem and seeped out onto the table.<strong>  
><strong>He cleared his throat, at a complete loss for what to say. He paused, his eyes watching her hand, contemplating his next move, surely taming Connie Beauchamp couldn't be so easy...<strong>  
><strong>Then he looked up at her, saw the subtle yet present frown between her eyes, the tension at her jaw. The lost, faraway expression and he remembered how she had frozen at the bar just moments before. Terrified. This wasn't Connie Beauchamp after all.<strong>  
><strong>He exhaled and reached a hand across the table to her, gaining her attention.<strong>  
><strong>"I can help you remember...if you change your mind."<strong>  
><strong>He said.<strong>  
><strong><strong>More soon xxx<strong>**


	7. Chapter 7

**They stood, leaning against the wall opposite the door to Connie's office. Max pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. Time seemed to have ebbed away without them noticing. Now it was night outside, the stars like pin pricks through a dark sheet. The hospital was calmer, quieter, the over head hum of the strip lighting the only sound except for the clearing of Connie's throat.**  
><strong>She stood next to him, eyes on the door before her, he lips were parted and every so often she would flick a tongue across them to wet them.<strong>  
><strong>"Have you got the key?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, knowing full well that she held it tight within the palm of her left hand.<strong>  
><strong>She nodded, and murmured something.<strong>  
><strong>He had lost any idea of how long they had been standing there for.<strong>  
><strong>"Will you...?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, her voice catching as she spoke. She uncurled her hand, offering the key to him with a slight tremble of her fingers.<strong>  
><strong>"You sure?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, pausing before taking the key from her, his fingers just touching the heel of her hand. She smiled slightly and nodded.<strong>  
><strong>"Sure."<strong>  
><strong>She whispered.<strong>  
><strong>He took the key, the metal of it was warm from her skin. He crossed the short distance to the office door and placed a hand on the door handle, pushing it down as he unlocked it.<strong>  
><strong>"Do you want to...?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, glancing at her. <strong>  
><strong>She watched the door as it opened. The office beyond was dark, the blinds drawn at the windows. She licked her lips and flexed her fingers at her side.<strong>  
><strong>"You don't have to."<strong>  
><strong>He said quietly and her eyes flickered to him, resting on him for only the briefest of seconds, smiling a quick nervous flutter of a smile before looking back towards the door that gaped open before her, waiting to swallow her up.<strong>  
><strong>She drew in a breath, the air felt cold in her mouth. She moved forwards, the sharp heels of her shoes knocking softly against the floor. <strong>  
><strong>He took a single step back, his hand still on the door frame.<strong>  
><strong>She stepped over the threshold, through into the office with one faltering step.<strong>  
><strong>She exhaled and Max realised she had been holding her breath. He followed her in.<strong>  
><strong>"Close the door."<strong>  
><strong>She whispered. <strong>  
><strong>He closed it with a gentle 'click', and flicked on the light switch.<strong>  
><strong>She looked about herself. Nothing had changed, nothing seemed out of order...nothing bore the tell tale signs of what had happened between these four paper thin walls.<strong>  
><strong>She cleared her throat. What had she been expecting? Blood stained floors? Over turned furniture? A sudden realisation...her lost memories?<strong>  
><strong>She turned to Max who stood against the door, his hands behind his back, resting upon the handle. His face was pale and he had an odd glassy look in his eyes.<strong>  
><strong>"What happened?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, just standing there, in the middle of the room, her arms limp by her sides, her eyes wide.<strong>  
><strong>He sucked in a long breath and his eyes regained focus.<strong>  
><strong>"I was outside in the corridor."<strong>  
><strong>He said, his voice flat and faraway.<strong>  
><strong>"I was on my way to reception and I heard you scream. I was the only one in the corridor."<strong>  
><strong>He released his grip on the door handle and raised a hand to rub his fingers against his bottom lip before continuing.<strong>  
><strong>At first I didn't do anything. It seemed like ages but it was probably only a second...but I just froze."<strong>  
><strong>He sighed as he spoke.<strong>  
><strong>"...Then I heard something fall and I opened the door."<strong>  
><strong>Connie glanced to the door behind him. Willing herself to remember...<strong>  
><strong>"I opened it and all I saw was you. I didn't see him until he ran passed me. All I know is that he was wearing a black coat and he had a hood...and something covering his face. I didn't even try to stop him."<strong>  
><strong>He looked down at the carpet by her desk.<strong>  
><strong>"You were on the floor...there..."<strong>  
><strong>He pointed to the foot of the desk and she glanced quickly to where he gestured to.<strong>  
><strong>"I sat you up. You were still awake then. Your head was bleeding, you must have hit it on the desk, but I held my shirt against it to try to stop the bleeding. I tried to talk to you but you just kept saying 'No'..."<strong>  
><strong>He saw he wince slightly, her eyes still on the floor by the desk.<strong>  
><strong>"There just seemed to be blood everywhere..."<strong>  
><strong>She heard the crack in his voice, the breathlessness. The gulp of breath as he regained his composure.<strong>  
><strong>"Anyway...I picked you up, and I carried you out there...onto the ward and I felt you loose consciousness. You were heavier, you just went limp...I thought you'd died."<strong>  
><strong>He stopped again and looked at her, a solid lump ached at the back of his throat and he flexed his fingers, numb with cold.<strong>  
><strong>Eventually she turned back to face him. Expressionless. It was as though he was telling her the story of someone else...or about something that had happened on television the night before...She felt numb.<strong>  
><strong>"I wish I could remembered."<strong>  
><strong>She said.<strong>  
><strong>"I wish I could forget."<strong>  
><strong>He whispered.<strong>

****More soon xxx****


	8. Chapter 8

****TWO DAYS LATER****

**Opening her eyes felt as though they had been locked and bolted, not merely closed, with the occasional flicker, or the brief opening to reveal the roll of blood shot white behind the papery eyelids.**

**Her mouth felt dry and there was a bitter taste at the back of her mouth, the taste of a half-swallowed tablet. Sour and dry and the fell of it made her want to retch but her stomach felt sore and she suspected she already had.**

**She opened her eyes fully. The room was bright, too bright. Lemon-yellow sunshine burst in through the window, illuminating the curtains as fluttering angels and casting a brilliant halo about the bed. **

**She coughed, there was an irritating tickle on the roof of her mouth.**

**A drink, she needed a drink.**

**_Café Lola! "Decaf cappuccino and a latte"...he'd look at her, her hands folded against her lips, her breath against them to warm them, her eyes on his, bright with the knowledge that soon they'd be home, in bed... "To go." He'd say._**

**_They'd soon be home, in bed..._**

**She remembered, she remembered. Something flickered at her peripheral vision. She remembered the taste of coffee on his breath as he'd kissed her. He'd pushed his tongue into her mouth before he'd thrown her against the door. **

**The memory ended as soon as it had begun, and even though it had been so lucid whilst she replayed it, now, as she blinked through a blur of confusion she lost the feeling once more...and once more it was happening to someone else.**

**"Connie?"**

**The door opened and all at once she realised that she was at home. **

**Max stood in the door way to her bedroom. She had no recollection of how she had got here, to her bed.**

**"You're awake."**

**He said, his voice seemed ever so far away.**

**"How long have I been asleep?"**

**She asked, squinting about the room, her eyes resting on her hands that were folded so neatly, so pale in her lap.**

**"Two days."**

**He remained where he was. So she'd skipped time again.**

**He had an odd look about him. He looked older, his face was pale and he had purplish bags beneath his eyes.**

**"I was tired..."**

**She said vaguely, not necessarily to him.**

**"Tired?"**

**He asked, still he stood in the door way, two steaming mugs within his hands.**

**He saw her glance a them, and as though he had just remembered he moved into the room properly, moved over to the bed and passed her one which she took with the fumble of a hand.**

**"You chased a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka."**

**He said flatly, cupping his own mug between his hands, the steam rose into his face.**

**She looked again at her own hands, her own coffee.**

**"****_Coffee, to go..."_**

**"I had a headache."**

**She whispered, and without thinking she ran a finger about the rim of her mug, collecting the debris of coffee and smudging it between her thumb and forefinger before taking a sip. It burnt her tongue and it's bitterness was overcome by the shock of sugar.**

**She held it out to him, wincing.**

**"I don't have sugar."**

**She coughed.**

**HE refused to take it from her.**

**"I know."**

**He said.**

**"It's good for shock. Drink it."**

**He tapped a finger against the side of his mug, he was still standing there, still looking at her as though there were something on the very tip of his tongue that he just couldn't bring himself to say.**

**She took another sip and winced again at it's sweetness.**

**He looked down into his mug for the briefest of moments, ran his tongue across his upper lip and then looked back at her, she could feel his eyes upon her, knowing he was going to ask what she wished he wouldn't.**

**"What the hell's going on, Connie?"**

**He spoke so quietly that she looked up, he looked as though he hadn't slept.**

**"****Don't ask me..."**  
><strong>She inhaled slowly and looked back up at him.<strong>  
><strong>"I was trying to explain my situation to myself. My situation was that I was in pain and nobody knew it, and yet I didn't know...still don't know why I'm in pain, why I'm so terrified..I can't remember. "<strong>  
><strong>She watched his eyes, he was waiting for her explanations.<strong>  
><strong>"So I told myself, over and over, You are in pain. It was the only way I could get through to myself. I was demonstrating externally and irrefutably an inward condition. After all t<strong>**his is my right, isn't it? As a patient? As a human being. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity."**  
><strong>She paused, waiting for him to speak but instead he left her, her lips parted until she spoke again.<strong>  
><strong>"I wish I could be happy in this quietness."<strong>  
><strong>She whispered.<strong>  
><strong>She heard him draw in a breath.<strong>  
><strong>"Do you regret it?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, and as he asked he looked away.<strong>  
><strong>"What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? It's what you can bear. And there it is... It was life. I chose death." <strong>  
><strong>He flinched at her words and she raised her coffee to hold against her chest, in the chance that perhaps it would warm the heart beneath.<strong>  
><strong>"<strong>**I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."**  
><strong>She whispered, she could feel herself cracking, like ice in spring, could hear the gentle snaps and creaks as the façade she carried with her began to melt. What was it about him that made her want to tell him?<strong>  
><strong>His voice broke her from her thoughts.<strong>**"If I hadn't come to find you, you would have died here, alone."**  
><strong>He spoke as though he thought his words would rouse some sort of regret within her, and that she would suddenly feel remorse for what she had done.<strong>  
><strong>He shrugged, bringing up his shoulders and letting them fall back down. She looked up at him.<strong>  
>"All I could think was, "Please don't let anything happen to her."<br>**He whispered.**

****More very soon.****  
><strong><strong>Again, I apologise for the delay in updating, we were flooded, which left us with no electricity. But I'm catching up over the next few days. xxx<strong>**


	9. Chapter 9

**"Better now?"**

**Max took the mug from her and set it down on the bedside table. It was the second cup of coffee that he had made her, along with a plate of toast and the colour was beginning to reappear in her cheeks.**

**She touched the corners of her mouth to remove any potential residue of butter.**

**"Mmhmm."**

**She murmured, passing him the plate which he set down next to her mug.**

**He was sitting on the edge of the bed, perched there like an anxious bird, his body tense.**

**"You scared me you know."**

**He said at last, with a glance to his hands that were folded in his lap.**

**"It was like you were attacked all over again."**

**He added, and looked back up at her. She met his eyes, inhaled and sighed, spreading her hands, palms up, out on the bed sheet that bunched up about her waist.**

**"I remembered seeing you there...in the office."**

**She closed her eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers.**

**"I remembered hearing your voice call my name to warn me that he was going to hit me before he ran. You never told me about that. You tried to save me."**

**She looked across at him, his lips tensed and she saw the flicker of his jaw tightening.**

**"Guess I forgot."**

**He murmured, and he frowned and rubbed a hand across his forehead.**

**"Well, it's a good thing one of us remembered."**

**She whispered and she slipped her fingers across the sheets towards him, her index finger just reaching the cotton of his top and she tugged it gently to gain his attention.**

**She saw the corner of his mouth twitch and he lowered his head to hide the smile that threatened his lips. He shook his head and looked down at the hang nail at the side of his thumb that he'd been picking at since he'd found her unconscious at the bottom of her stairs two days ago.**

**"I just wish I could help you remember everything else."**

**He said quietly. **

**She ran the thin strip of fabric that she held between her thumb and index finger, it was soft and beginning to fray at the edges. She wondered how long he had been here, how long he'd been in those clothes.**

**"There's one thing that I don't know, that you could tell me."**

**She said, and he glanced at her with slightly narrowed eyes, his forehead creased.**

**"I don't know why you came here that night?"**

**She asked, and he raised his eyebrows and for a moment she thought he might laugh but instead he exhaled a sigh of warm air before he spoke.**

**"I didn't believe you when you'd said that you were ok after we'd been to your office."**

**He said slowly.**

**"I cam e to see if you were ok."**

**He added.**

**"And why did you stay?"**

**She asked quietly, letting go of what grip she had of his top and just letting her hand rest there, next to him.**

**He glanced down at it whilst he contemplated his answer.**

**"I couldn't leave you."**

**He said.**

**"I knew you'd be ok because you'd been sick, but I couldn't leave you there, knowing that you'd just tried to...what you'd just tried to...do."**

**He faltered and she saw the frustration flicker within his eyes. He looked so tired...**

**"I threw up?"**

**She asked, and the sudden realisation dawned upon her that she was wearing her dressing gown, the one that she never wore that hung on the back of her bedroom door. He'd had to undress her, clean her up. She felt her cheeks flush a fierce scarlet and her stomach winced at the indignity of it all.**

**"I cleaned it up."**

**He said, mistaking her embarrassment for worry about the mess.**

**She felt hot and she swore under her breath, looking down, anywhere but at him. This wasn't who she was or who she used to be. This person that she couldn't remember had changed her without her realising it.**

**"Fuck."**

**She swore again and this time he heard.**

**"I didn't...I mean..."**

**He glanced at her dressing gown, gesturing half-heartedly to it with a flourish of his left hand.**

**"I called Robyn, she sorted you out. I wouldn't...do that."**

**He said, realising what she was suddenly so cross about, and in turn he felt the rise of a blush burn within his cheeks.**

**"Christ."**

**She rubbed the tips of her fingers against her forehead, letting her eyes fall closed.**

**"I'm not sure what's worse."**

**She murmured, before letting her hand fall so that she could look at him again.**

**"I'm so sorry."**

**She whispered with the hopeless shrug of her shoulders.**

**He shook his head and reached out tentatively for her fingers that had held the hem of his t-shirt. He touched them ever so gently, pushed them between hers slowly, his knuckles glancing against her own until their hands lay haphazardly interlinked against the white of the duvet cover.**

**"Don't be."**

**He said.**

****More very soon! Thank you to everyone who reads and comments! Happiness and more clues on the way...xxx****

****Abi: Thank you for your comments. I'm slightly confused as to which user name is yours. In one message you mentioned poisonous snowflake and the other poisonous desire? Perhaps you could send me a PM (if you'd like) so I know which is you. I've no idea about joint stories so you'll have to clue me up! x****


	10. Chapter 10

**"So."**  
><strong>Max watched as Connie emerged from the en suite, a towel wrapped about her head, a different dressing gown tied tightly about her waist.<strong>  
><strong>She looked up as he spoke, pausing in her step.<strong>  
><strong>"You're not planning on going into work, are you?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, his voice hesitant.<strong>  
><strong>She continued on her path across the room.<strong>  
><strong>"Oh, I can't let a little thing like that stop me..."<strong>  
><strong>She murmured, opening both of the wardrobe doors and standing back, surveying her options.<strong>  
><strong>"A little thing like a suicide attempt?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked slowly...quietly.<strong>  
><strong>He watched her inhale slowly through her nose.<strong>  
><strong>"Black, or white?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, running her fingers over a black dress, the arm of which jutted out further than the rest.<strong>  
><strong>"Connie..."<strong>  
><strong>Max exhaled and stood up from the bed, paused, then made his way over to her. Without her shoes he was a good few inches taller than her, and still this difference in height surprised him. He stopped close to her, he could smell her shampoo, her deodorant, and the recognisable scent of her perfume.<strong>  
><strong>"You can't..."<strong>  
><strong>"Max!"<strong>  
><strong>She turned sharply to face him, his close proximity throwing her slightly.<strong>  
><strong>"You're not exactly..."<strong>  
><strong>He tailed off again and she arched an eyebrow.<strong>  
><strong>"I am more than capable, thank you. In fact, I'm probably still more capable than others I could mention..."<strong>  
><strong>She said sharply, her arms wrapped tightly about her waist.<strong>  
><strong>He pursed his lips, and gave an ever-so-slight nod of his head.<strong> **"What if something went wrong, what if you made a mistake?"**  
><strong>He asked.<strong>  
><strong>"I don't make mistakes."<strong>  
><strong>She scoffed and laughed a humourless laugh, glancing back towards the hangers lined with designer clothes...all waiting for her to choose which version of herself she wanted to be that day.<strong>  
><strong>"What if you kill a patient?!"<strong>  
><strong>He lowered his voice and she laughed again.<strong>  
><strong>"Max...please...let's not be over-dramatic..."<strong>  
><strong>She left her sentence unfinished and he drew in a breath, steadying himself before he spoke.<strong>  
><strong>"This isn't who you are, you don't take risks like this, this isn't who I thought Connie Beauchamp was."<strong>  
><strong>He whispered, and he saw a flicker of something behind her eyes, hurt? Defeat?<strong>  
><strong>She stared at him, unblinking, lips drawn into a tight line, hands clenched, arms folded even tighter.<strong>  
><strong>"Well, I'm sorry that I've disappointed you."<strong>  
><strong>She whispered and made to turn away from him but he caught her arm, stalling her. She looked down to where his hand curled over the cream silk of the dressing gown, where it creased between his fingers and she could feel the cold of it pucker against the warmth of his hand.<strong>  
><strong>"You haven't disappointed me."<strong>  
><strong>He said quietly, and she narrowed her eyes, still he held onto her arm.<strong>  
><strong>"Listen..."<strong>  
><strong>He paused and glanced down to his own hands, the incessant gaze of her hazel green eyes becoming too much.<strong>  
><strong>"Can't you just let someone else take over? Just for today? Delegation..."<strong>  
><strong>He began, but she smiled and shook her head.<strong> **  
>"Delegation's just another word for defeat."<strong>  
><strong>She murmured, and shook herself free of him, turning to face the line up of outfits.<strong>  
><strong>"If you <strong>**_do _****make a mistake, because you're not fit to be at work, they could fire you..."** **He was trying to shock her, trying to get through to her the severity of what she was doing, going into work when she was neither physically or mentally fit could spoil everything.**  
><strong>"You could lose it all..."<strong>  
><strong>"And what makes you think I haven't already?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, and she spoke so quickly that she might not have spoken at all. <strong>  
><strong>For a moment neither of them spoke, and neither of them moved. Instead they just stood, watching one another, Connie, so small, wrapped in her swathes of silk, her hair piled up on top of her head, the towel beginning to slip. She raised a hand to it.<strong>  
><strong>"I need to get dressed."<strong>  
><strong>She said suddenly, but failed to move.<strong>  
><strong>"Fine."<strong>  
><strong>He looked down again to his hands as he pushed them into the pockets of his jeans, and he stepped back away from her, turning to leave the room, but her words caught him, as his hand had hers moments before.<strong>  
><strong>"I don't know what's happening...I'm sorry..."<strong> **As she spoke he stopped before the closed door that led out onto the landing, he stopped and looked at the large globe like bronze handle.** "I seem to be in some strange sort of mood." She added, and he heard the floorboards creak as she turned to face him. "We do what we do...at the hospital...we** struggle to piece people back together again, in the hope that we can change the world, but despite our gifts and our unstinting efforts, our most extravagant hopes, we still fail. We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep. It's as simple and ordinary as that. A few jump out windows, or drown themselves, or take pills; more die by accident; and most of us are slowly devoured by some disease, or, if we're very fortunate, by time itself. There's just this for consolation: an hour here or there when our lives seem, against all odds and expectations, to burst open and give us everything we've ever imagined...or at least that's what I thought before...now there's just this ever-present darkness, and I can't seem to..."** **She paused and pressed her fingers to her forehead.** **"**I seem to be unravelling." She whispered, and he turned back to face her. "I shouldn't have stayed..." He began, but she cut him off. "No, it's not you, it's not you!" She leant against the solid oak of the wardrobe door, it creaked on it's hinges. "Connie...?" He made to move to her. "Jesus!" She exclaimed and ran a hand across her face. All of this...all of this seemed so endless. "Do you want me to go?" "No, don't go!" She let her hands fall to her sides, helpless. "Don't go...explain to me why this is happening." She whispered, and in that moment she looked so vulnerable, so afraid and lost that he had no choice but to go to her, to make his way back over to her, to reach for her. "Don't! Don't touch me." She flinched from him in a way that she never had done before. He paused, his hand mid-way to her, but instead of letting it fall back down to his side, he continued, watching her as he did so, waiting for her to push him away. He placed his hands upon her elbows, holding her as firmly as he dared. "You will get over this." He said softly. She smiled doubtfully. "**But there are still the hours, aren't there? One and then another, and you get through that one and then, my god, there's another..."** **She whispered, and her voice began to falter.**  
><strong>He drew her in, pulled her to himself so that she pressed stiffly against his chest. He bought his arms up about her back, holding her.<strong>  
><strong>"You haven't lost everything."<strong>  
><strong>He said quietly, his breath against her hair.<strong>  
><strong><strong>More soon...thank you so much for the lovely comments, I thoroughly enjoy reading them, and I love hearing what you want to happen next etc. Thank you, again ! xxx<strong>**


	11. Chapter 11

**"Dinner."**

**Max set a bowl of soup down in front of her.**

**"I said I didn't want anything."**

**Connie pushed away from her across the table and turned back to the laptop.**

**"You have to eat!"**

**Max sat down on the sofa next to her.**

**"Are you working?"**

**He asked and she looked back at him, her silence her answer.**

**"Charlie's coming over in a minute, I've left the door on the latch for him."**

**"Why is Charlie coming here?!"**

**Connie asked, cutting him off, turning so quickly that her laptop made a slither to the left. She caught hold of it just in time.**

**"He wants to see how you are."**

**Max said, glancing at the bowl of soup.**

**"Well then, you can tell him that I am perfectly alright."**

**She said, and folded a leg underneath herself to level out her lap so that the laptop was positioned more securely on her lap.**

**"Connie..."**

**She looked at him sharply.**

**"Why're you still here anyway?"**

**She asked, and even as she spoke she hated the sound of herself. She saw Max flinch.**

**"I thought you wanted me here..."**

**He said quietly. **

**She drew in a breath, looked at the screen of her laptop. The emails, so many emails to catch up on...**

**"Well, you've done your good deed. You can go now."**

**She said, and she closed the laptop and set it on the table next to the bowl of soup. She leant over to the book case behind where she sat and pulled out a book with a broken spine and a book mark pushed into the top.**

**She opened it just as the front door creaked open and the sound of shoes on the mat echoed in from the hall.**

**Connie didn't move, didn't even blink.**

**Max looked up as Charlie entered, his arms limp by his side. **

**"Hello Connie."**

**He said, and Connie made a murmur of a greeting in the back of her throat, refusing to look up from the page that she held between fingers that pulsed with the beat of her heart.**

"How are you feeling?"

He asked, and Connie turned the page.

"Fine."

She said.

Charlie made his way over and sat down next to her, keeping his distance.

"What's the book about?"

He asked, and Connie smiled a slow patronising smile. She glanced up and turned the book over in her lap so that it lay face down, a page creasing against her leg.

**"Oh, it's about this woman who's incredibly - well, she's a hostess and she's incredibly confident and she's going to give a party. And, maybe because she's confident, everyone thinks she's fine... but she isn't."**

**She said, and Charlie glanced down at the book in her lap.**

**Mrs Dalloway.**

**"Have you been sleeping?"**

**He asked, and she looked momentarily confused at the sudden change of subject.**

**"Yes, I've been sleeping."**

**"Any headaches?"**

**He asked. She shook her head.**

**"No headaches."**

**"You know you should be in bed, resting."**

**He said, and as he spoke he looked up at Max.**

**"That's what I've been saying..."**

**Max whispered, and Connie shot him a look to silence him.**

**"Connie, you know you'd give the same advice if it were the other way around. If you were the doctor not the patient..."**

**He tailed off. She turned the book back over and stared at the pages.**

**"You're not going to listen to me are you."**

**He said quietly. She ignored him.**

**"Then why not listen to Zoe, to Guy..."**

**She glanced up at him again.**

**"****Not when they are a bunch of contemptible Victorians!"**

**She snapped.**

**"Rest! Rest is the last thing I need, far too much time to think..."**

**She exhaled and let her words fade into the silence.**

**She was, above all else, tired; she wanted more than anything to return to her bed and her book. The world, this world, felt suddenly stunned and stunted, far from everything that was, or had been real to her.**

**"Connie, if you were thinking clearly..."**

**"If I were thinking clearly, Charlie, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you're only here because you all live with the threat of my extinction, think I'm going to do something silly... Charlie, I live with it too. Every day I wake up and I feel it here..."**

**She pushed the side of her hand low against her stomach.**

**"I can feel the ache from where he ****fucked me. And when I sleep all I see are the shadows, and they're all over me, they're inside me, like he was, and they're killing me, slowly, taking me bit by bit so that I don't even recognise who I am any more..."**

**She stopped to catch her breath and Charlie cleared his throat.**

**"Max could you give us a minute, please?"**

**Charlie spoke quietly, and he looked again to Max who threw up his hands.**

**"Fine. She doesn't want me here anyway."**

**He said, and let his hands clap down against his thighs as he left the room, reaching down only to take the bowl of cooling soup with him as he moved back into the kitchen.**

**Charlie placed his hands neatly on his knees, and looked over at Connie.**

**"I think he's got the hots for you."**

**He smiled, attempting to lighten the mood. **

**Connie glanced to the door, to where Max had exited.**

**"You noticed that, did you?"**

**She murmured.**

**"He's been like a puppy with a toilet roll ever since you've been ill."**

**He said.**

**"Mmm."**

**She murmured, and fingered a page of the book.**

**"When I want something..."**

**"You're like a Rotweiler with a crowbar."**

**He cut her off, she opened her mouth to reply, slightly taken aback by his words, but found she had nothing to say.**

**"Connie, he just wants to help. We all do."**

**He reached out for her without thinking and her entire body jerked away from him.**

**"Sorry."**

**He whispered and retracted his hand.**

**He hesitated, she turned a page in her book, ignoring him.**

**"Right, well...if you're OK, I'll head off..."**

**He stood up, she didn't move.**

**"I'll just go and say good bye to Max."**

**He added, again she didn't speak.**

**He left the room, pulling the door too, finding Max in the kitchen looking out of the window.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**Charlie asked, and Max turned his head.**

**"I'm fine. I don't really know what I'm doing here...why I'm still here. I just stayed..."**

**"You did more than any of us could have done."**

**Charlie said, cutting him off.**

**Max shrugged.**

**"I don't know..."**

**He began, and turned to face Charlie.**

**"You're the only one she'll speak to, Tess told me how she didn't flinch away from you like she does everyone else."**

**He said, and Max exhaled slowly...he hadn't had a cigarette in far too long.**

**"I want you to take her, Max."**

**Charlie said, lowering his voice. Max raised his eyebrows and dipped his head.**

**"Excuse me?"**

**He asked, wondering if he had misheard.**

**"I'm saying this as a friend, to Connie, not a nurse. I want you to take her away, take her away from all of this. Get her to trust you, get her to realise that it would benefit her to talk to someone, a counsellor, anyone!"**

**He said, and Max hunched up his shoulders again.**

**"And how am I supposed to do that? She won't listen! She shows practically no sign of emotion except when she's in one of her rages, or she wakes up from a nap screaming from a nightmare that she can't remember. But that's not the worst part – the worst part is when I walk in on her and she's just standing there in the middle of a room, just standing there – helpless."**

**He drew in a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes. His head throbbed.**

**"I don't know how I got caught up in all of this...we've never even had a conversation before all of this!**

**He exclaimed, almost laughing at the absurdity of the situation.**

**"Just...touch her, help her be touched."**

**Charlie said, still keeping his voice low.**

**"Touch her?!"**

**Max arced an eyebrow.**

**"You're the one she trusts."**

**Charlie said simply.**

**"Just do whatever it takes."**

****More soon! xxx****


	12. Chapter 12

**"I'm not going away with you."**

**Connie's voice rose and she moved across the kitchen in a flurry of billowing sleeves and the flap of her pashmina. Her cheeks were still pale and her eyes dark and glittering with rage.**

**"Well then go away without me."**

**Max said, standing, fingers resting ever so slightly on the kitchen table as he watched her prowl from a safe distance.**

**She stopped, her back to him, looking out of the window.**

**"I'm sorry, I don't think you understand."**

**She turned, her eyes upon him.**

**"I'm not going away with you, or without you. I am staying here, I'm going back to work..."**

**"But Charlie said..."**

**"I have absolutely no interest in what Charlie Fairhead has to say."**

**She cut him off, her voice so low that as she spoke her words trembled and she curled her hands into fists at her sides.**

**"You've got to do something...go away...counselling..."**

**He began and she exhaled a venomous laugh.**

**"They're not going to let you back unless you get over this."**

**He added quietly, and he saw the flicker of something behind her eyes.**

**"I'm fine."**

**She said quickly.**

**"You're not fine! You're drinking, you're not sleeping, and when you do you're screaming from a nightmare..."**

**He began, and she flexed her fingers by her sides.**

**"Why are you still here?"**

**She asked suddenly, catching him off guard.**

**"I haven't asked you to be here, to stay in my own house."**

**She continued, and as she spoke she moved ever so slowly towards him until she stood, mirroring him, on the other side of the kitchen table, resting her fingers against the wood of it's surface.**

**"I couldn't leave you on your own."**

**He said quietly, looking across at her, his own blue eyes failing to maintain eye contact with the raging dark within her own.**

**"If I didn't know you better I'd call this ingratitude."**

**He murmured, and he heard the catch of her breath within her chest.**

**"I am ungrateful? You call ME ungrateful? My life has been stolen from me. I'm living in some sort of bubble that I can't escape,... I'm living a life I have no wish to live..."**

**She smiled, though there was no warmth to it.**

**"How did this happen?"**

**She whispered, though she expected no reply, and instead she drew in a breath, and exhaled slowly.**

**"Well, like I said before, now you've done your bit, you can go, go and feel good about yourself, go and enjoy the fact that you've saved me."**

**She said quietly.**

**"I'm not trying to save you, I'm trying to be your friend..."**

**He looked back up at her, he felt so out of his depth, so completely bare without humour to hide behind, without his usual self to rely upon.**

**"You don't flinch away from me like you do everybody else."**

**He said, and his words seemed to hit some sort of chord because she looked away abruptly and tapped a finger against the table, her nail just touching it, making the faintest of noises.**

**"I don't know why, but..."**

**"Because you did save me."**

**She said, cutting him off again, and when she looked back at him her eyes were glassy, her lips pinched and her chin quivered slightly.**

**"Because you were there, and even though I can't remember...I know that you won't hurt me."**

**She whispered.**

**"I won't."**

**He said, and she smiled again, though this time there was the hint of something real.**

**"He scarred me..."**

**She said abruptly, her words falling from her lips without her meaning to, suddenly, and violently spilling out from where they had been held back all these weeks.**

**"What?"**

**He asked. Her lips twitched and she hesitated.**

**"He scarred me..."**

**She began again.**

**"I don't know what he did, but when he..."**

**She faltered – touched the tip of her tongue to her top lip and smiled a shuddering nervous smile that made his heart ache for her.**

**"When he raped me, he did it with such force..."**

**She tailed off again and she inhaled a breath, steadying herself, and as she blinked one tear fell from her eye and she hurriedly wiped it away, smearing it across her cheek.**

**"So now I'm left with that...with the reminder every time I get dressed, or have a bath...and If I ever wanted to..."**

**She laughed hesitantly, humourlessly.**

**"I know."**

**He said, and she smiled ever so slightly.**

**"He's ruined me for everyone else."**

**She whispered, and as she spoke she caught her breath and her voice broke and she began to turn away from him but he caught her arm – moved around the very edge of the table and ever so gently pulled her to him. **

**He felt her stiffen as he wrapped his arms about her, felt her shudder, her body trembling as she groaned a stifled sob into his chest and he whispered to her as she cried against him.**

****More soon xxx****


	13. Chapter 13

**The house was still, only the gentle rhythmic drip of a tap, and distant murmur of cars in the city, the hum of the motorway, the occasional far away wail of an ambulance.**

**Max opened his eyes, nothing in particular seemed to have woken him. He glanced to the clock. 5:00AM. He heard the clunk and whirr of the boiler as the automatic timer for the heating switched on and behind him he heard the trickle and bubble of water in the radiator behind the sofa that he sat on, his body wedged into the corner of one of the long grey sofa's, one leg rested on the coffee table and he could feel the prick of pins and needles along his calf.**

**He winced against it and made to move but found a dead weight against his chest.**

**Connie. **

**Last night replayed within his mind. Everything that she had been keeping in, everything that she had so desperately wanted to tell somebody had spilled out of her with such force that she'd been left breathless and gasping for air as she choked on uncontrollable sobs that shook her body. And he'd sat with her on the sofa, holding her until finally she had cried herself to sleep.**

**He looked down at her now, how different she was. Her body lay still against him, laying across the sofa, long legs stretching out to the opposite end, her head resting against his stomach - she must have slipped down as they slept – her hair was ruffled and sprawled across her back and one arm hung limply across him.**

**He could feel the slow rise and fall of her back beneath his left hand, his palm pressed flat against her, her hair just curling about his knuckles, her top soft beneath his fingers.**

**He felt his leg begin to spasm and he gradually shifted, keeping a hold of her so that she didn't slip whilst he moved, adjusting his leg, pulling it down from the table despite the stiffness and pain that he felt.**

**As he re-adjusted himself he felt her move against him. She sniffed and moved a hand to push the hair from her face. He held his breath, unsure whether or not she remembered last night.**

**She bought up a leg that collided with his foot and he felt her body stiffen, as it had done last night when he'd pulled her to him.**

**She placed her hand against his chest and pushed up slightly so that she could look up at him. She squinted at him, her face pale in the dim morning glow that came from the opened curtains behind them. **

**"Morning."**

**He said, desperate to break the silence, and she parted her lips to reply but failed to say anything. Instead she cleared her throat and pushed herself up further so that he no longer felt the warmth of her body against him.**

**"Sorry..."**

**She whispered, and she ran a hand over her face before pushing her fingers into her hair, using both hands to sweep away her hair, twisting it until it stayed in an unruly bun at the back of her head.**

**"I didn't mean..."**

**She glanced about herself, forgetting to end her own sentence.**

**"You slept without waking."**

**He said quietly, and she looked back at him. Her top was crumpled and curled at the hem, beneath he could see the pale strip of flesh between her top and trousers.**

**"I slept without dreaming."**

**She whispered.**

**"No nightmares?"**

**He asked and she shook her head slowly.**

**"I'm sorry...about last night."**

**She murmured, and he straightened himself up against the back of the sofa.**

**"You don't need to apologise."**

**He said, and she slipped a hand tentatively across his knee to his hand, taking it within her own. He watched it, her fingers snaking between his, her hand so small and fragile against his own.**

**"I was fighting you when I should have been thanking you."**

**She said quietly and he tightened his grip on her fingers.**

**"You don't need to thank me either."**

**He whispered, and she smiled, dipped her head, and a curl of hair sprang free from her bun and touched against her cheek.**

**"Oh I think I do."**

**She whispered, and she looked up again, her eyes a faint green in the lemon yellow of the slowly rising winter sun, and once again she placed her hand back against his chest, pushed against him gently as she moved closer, and with the ever-present wail of the city backdrop behind them she placed the softest whisper of a kiss against the corner of his lips.**

****More soon! I hope everyone is still following and enjoying ! xxx****


	14. Chapter 14

**"Breakfast!" **

**Max placed a plate of toast down onto the coffee table in front of Connie, where had placed the bowl of soup the day before.**

**"You didn't have to make me breakfast."**

**She said, though she smiled. She'd just come downstairs after having a shower, her hair was still damp and twisted at the nape of her neck, her face pale and clear, free of make up. **

**She rearranged herself, folding her legs up onto the sofa – he thought how different she looked wearing an old cream jumper and jeans – and reached for the toast.**

**He sat down on the arm of the sofa and she offered the plate to him, he shook his head.**

**"I had some while I was making yours."**

**He admitted and she rested the plate on her knees.**

**"So..."**

**She chewed, swallowed and peered across at him, eyes narrowed, her mouth pursed into an amused smile, dimples shadowing her cheeks that he'd never noticed before.**

**"Where are you taking me?"**

**She asked.**

**"Hmm?"**

**He asked.**

**"This little 'holiday' that I'm being forced to take...where does Charlie want you to take me?"**

**She asked.**

**"I don't know...He's calling round later to drop off your sleeping tablets and painkillers."**

**Max watched her eye her second slice of toast.**

**"I don't think I need them."**

**She said after a moments thought.**

**"I slept fine last night."**

**She added and he nodded slowly.**

**"You don't think..."**

**"That last night was because of you?"**

**She asked.**

**"I just thought...maybe it was because you had someone there with you."**

**He offered and again she smiled and her eyes caught the light showing a sparkle of green.**

**"Are you trying to suggest that you should sleep with me every night?"**

**She asked, and her smile widened as she watched the colour rise across his cheeks.**

**"No..."**

**He began, he knew she was teasing him, but still he felt flustered. The glimmer of the old Connie seemed to be growing rapidly after only one nights good sleep, and the woman who was returning was the woman who terrified and intimidated him slightly, with her high heels and razor-sharp tongue.**

**She smiled again and placed the plate back on the table, two half-slices of toast left uneaten.**

**She stood up and brushed the crumbs from her lap.**

**"Are you working today?"**

**She asked, and he shook his head.**

**"No, I'm taking holiday."**

**He said and she nodded slowly, thoughtfully.**

**"There's a little cabin."**

**She began.**

**"It's only a short train ride from here, I used to go there when I needed to get away from work before I left for America. I rent it out every summer, but it's empty now..."**

**She narrowed her eyes, regarding him, thinking how odd this all way, that she was telling him about her cabin, her little secret hideout, and that she should be anticipating taking anyone there, least of all him!**

**"We could go there?"**

**She asked.**

**"Ok..."**

**He said, before he had time to think. And for a moment they just looked at one another.**

**"I realise this is all a bit strange."**

**She said at last and he exhaled, relieved that she had been the one to break the silence.**

**"It's fine."**

**He smiled.**

**"I never thought we'd ever have a real conversation, let alone go away together..."**

**He added and she laughed slightly.**

**"I'm sorry you're using your holiday for me."**

**She said quietly and he shook his head, it didn't matter, not really.**

**"I'd have only frittered it away on hangovers..."**

**He whispered and again she smiled that beautiful dimpled smile that she so often tried to suppress.**

**"I have an idea."**

**She said, and she interlinked her fingers together in front of her chest as she spoke.**

**"What's that?"**

**He asked, realising her hesitation was a sign of nervousness.**

**"If we travel down today we can spend the weekend getting to know one another properly."**

**She said, and he watched her frown.**

**"That's not a euphemism."**

**She added and he laughed without meaning to.**

**"I know."**

**He said.**

****More soon...xxx****


	15. Chapter 15

**"****We should have driven."**

**Connie murmured, sitting up straight in her seat and looking out of the window of the first class carriage to where the landscape beyond remained still – as it had done for the past 45 minutes.**

**Max twisted in his seat so that he could look down the line, nothing...just the fields and casually grazing sheep.**

**"I'm sure we'll get moving again in a minute..."**

**He said, his voice strained as he angled his head to look the other way before sitting back down in the seat opposite her.**

**He looked at her, tension showing at her jaw, her lips pursed and he recognised that look in her eye from when he'd seen her prowling the wards – stress.**

**"Connie?"**

**He raised his voice slightly.**

**"Mmm?"**

**She looked back at him.**

**"Sorry..."**

**She smiled.**

**"I don't know what the hold up is."**

**She murmured.**

**"Just relax."**

**He said and she exhaled through parted lips and leant back against the head rest.**

**"I'm not very good at relaxing."**

**She said with the hint of a smile and she looked across at him, how he sat, the bleached sunshine on his face so that he squinted and his blue eyes shone bluer, his hair dark, tinted in the light with strands of auburn. He looked different. Far from the man she had barely noticed at the hospital.**

**He smiled and the train began to move again, the whirr and clatter of wheels began again and Connie yawned, covering her mouth with her hand and they watched as an elderly gentleman passed them by, moving through the doors into the next carriage.**

**"Tell me about you."**

**She whispered and touched a finger to the corner of her bag that she had on the table before her, the weight of it leaning against the window.**

**He paused.**

**"There's not really much..."**

**"There must be something."**

**She interrupted and the man who had moved into the next carriage reappeared again and sat down in the seat parallel to them and as he passed by she caught the hint of his aftershave. It was ever so faint, but nonetheless the smell drew the colour from her face and she felt the flutter of fear within her stomach that she thought she'd managed to get under control. She felt the overwhelming urge to run and she glanced to Max, he was saying something...he stopped abruptly.**

**She could feel herself beginning to panic as a flicker of a memory bloomed within her mind. She remembered the smell of him – her attacker – remembered how he had held her from behind, his arm about her neck as he bent her over the desk, pinning her down, pushing her skirt up about her waist, choking her so that her head throbbed and her eyes saw red.**

**She heard Max speaking, she blinked, re-focused, tried to catch her breath, though what she could breathe in felt thin and cold and she reached out blinding. He caught her fingers, placed his hands within his and held them there. She could feel the throb of his pulse within his palms, and as she counted the beat of his heart the black dispersed before her eyes and she could see him again and she gulped in a breath.**

**"I remember."**

**She whispered...cleared her throat.**

**"I remember."**

**She looked up at him and he leant across the table to her.**

**"What, what do you remember?"**

**He whispered and she shook her head and glanced to the man sitting parralel to them, he was looking out of the window, a book folded neatly in his lap.**

**"He smells the same."**

**She said quietly and Max glanced at him.**

**"Just that smell...I can still smell it.**

**She opened her mouth, not wanting to inhale through her nose.**

**"Do you want to move?"**

**Max asked and she shook her head quickly.**

**He glanced again at the man, sitting so innocently in his seat, unaware of the effect that his choice of aftershave had had on the woman sitting near him.**

**He stood up and Connie looked up abruptly, but before she could ask him what he was doing he had sat down again, sliding into the seat next to her.**

**"Do I smell alright?"**

**He asked, and she smiled, exhaling a breath of relief. She nodded.**

**"You smell fine."**

**She said and he reached an arm along behind her, easing her into him so that her head rested against his shoulder and all she could smell was him.**

**She smiled against him and he felt the movement of her cheek...her jaw...**

**"Would you like to talk about it?"**

**He murmured, watching out of the window, resting his chin on the top of her head.**

**She drew in a sigh and he felt her chest expand and contract against him, and she twisted the ring that she wore on her right hand.**

**"He had his arm around my neck."**

**She whispered, and he watched as a flurry of trees streaked by.**

**"I remember not being able to breathe, and he held me down over my desk..."**

**She paused, her desk...****_her _****desk.**

**"He pushed my skirt up..."**

**And here her memory ended, with the smell of him, and the feel of his weight holding her down, suffocating her. She could imagine what had happened next, but somehow she couldn't bring forth the memory...**

**She felt the brush of Max's lips move back and forth against the top of her head.**

**"I cant remember."**

**She whispered, and the movement of his jaw stopped and he pressed his lips against her hair.**

**"You will."**

**He murmured, her hair tickling his lips.**

**"And I'll be here when you do."**

****More soon...if there is a delay in updating the next chapter it's because I haven't managed to successfully rescue my laptop from this bloody virus that I have just discovered! xxx****


	16. Chapter 16

**They stepped off the train and into a taxi just as the sun was setting, and as they pulled up to the drive way of the little cabin by the side of a small lake it was dark, only the headlights from the taxi illuminating their path as they made their way to the door.**

**Connie pushed the key into the lock, it had been years since she had been there. She pushed open the door and flicked on the light.**

**She closed the door quickly behind them and looked about. It was much the same, though the colours she remembered so vividly seemed to have faded, but otherwise it had been kept in good condition.**

**She turned to Max who was peering into the little kitchen that led off from the small living room that they had stepped into.**

**"It's not much."**

**She said, and moved to place her bags by the door at the opposite end of the sitting room.**

**Max followed with his own and shrugged off his coat, which Connie took with her own to hang on the back of the front door.**

**"Can I make you a drink?"**

**She asked and made her way to the single cupboard under the sink. **

**She looked in the fridge.**

**"Water?!"**

**She asked, turning back to face him, he smiled and shook his head.**

**"How many years has it been since you've been here?"**

**He asked, watching her as she moved back into the sitting room and slipped off her shoes, placing them neatly by the front door.**

**"Too long."**

**She said.**

**"I used to come here at the weekends."**

**She added, placing her hands on her hips and surveying the room – it was smaller, shabbier than she remembered...**

**He followed her gaze, the curtains were sun-bleached at the edges and the sofa was scuffed, the fireplace missing a tile.**

**"I've never had company before...here I mean."**

**She murmured. She remembered those long summer evenings where she'd sat on the little porch outside, sipping wine and lazily making her way through paperwork.**

**"It must be strange, my being here."**

**He said quietly and she smiled slowly, looking at him for a moment as he stood there in the middle of the sitting room, the dim light overhead casting long shadows across his face.**

**"Have a look at a book...put the television on...I'll get us something to eat."**

**She said.**

**"From that cupboard?"**

**He asked and she flushed, shook her head and retrieved her phone from her pocket, gesturing with it.**

**"I'm afraid pizza is our only option."**

**She said, looking up at him apologetically.**

**"Well, as our only option it's not a bad one."**

**He smiled as he spoke and looked vaguely relieved as she left him to wander the sitting room whilst she slipped into the kitchen to phone.**

**He moved over to the book shelves, they were packed tightly along the shelves, dust and spider webs encased them safely. **

**He glanced at their spines, smiled...he made his way over to the television and turned it on, it didn't do anything. He peered behind it, here the dust was thicker, but he pushed his hand down behind it and turned on the plug, pressing the button to turn it on again, half expecting nothing to happen again, but this time it sprang into life and he began scrolling through the channels.**

**"You didn't want to read a book?"**

**He heard her re-enter the room.**

**He glanced back to her.**

**"Thoracic and cardiovascular surgery: Scientific Foundations and General Practice?"**

**He asked and she laughed.**

**"too many long words. You forget I'm merely a porter."**

**He added.**

**"You're not merely a porter."**

**She said quickly...too quickly and she found herself looking for something to gaze upon, aware of his slow smile, his eyes upon her.**

**"So is this the bit where we get to know each other?"**

**He asked and she widened her eyes.**

**"I'm sorry?"**

**She asked and he smiled slightly.**

**"Don't look so panicked, you said yourself it wasn't a euphemism."**

**He said quietly and he watched as she rearranged her expression.**

**"Yes...well..."**

**She began. Why was it that he made it so difficult to form a coherent thought she wondered.**

**"What about your daughter?"**

**He asked and she frowned ever so slightly.**

**"Grace?"**

**She murmured. He nodded.**

**"Oh she's at school...she boards there."**

**"She doesn't know you've been in hospital?"**

**He asked and she pursed her lips, gave the slightest shake of her head.**

**"There's no point in worrying her."**

**She said and cast an eye to the sofa.**

**"Shall we...?"**

**She gestured to it and he followed her, sitting down next to her on the small two seater.**

**"Sorry it's not bigger."**

**She murmured as their knees touched.**

**"This is fine."**

**He said.**

****More soon! xxx****


	17. Chapter 17

**Max finished his slice of pizza and licked his thumb and forefinger and reached out for the glass of water he had set on the corner of the little coffee table.**

**"You didn't eat much."**

**He said, glancing at her plate, the half eaten slice laying cold against the china. She shook her head slightly and smiled, dipping her lips to the glass she held and taking a sip. She hadn't eaten more than a couple of mouthfuls in the time he'd known her he realised.**

**"I'd rather you had it."**

**She said as she swallowed and rested the glass on her knee.**

**He placed a hand on his stomach and leant back against the sofa, casting a glance to the two slices left in the pizza box.**

**"Can't...feel a bit sick."**

**He exhaled and turned his head to look at her, she was curled up against the other end of the sofa, knees drawn up beneath herself, arms against her chest, just the glass resting there, her fingers barely holding it.**

**She met his gaze and smiled slightly self-consciously, the light casting shadows across the dimples that showed in her cheeks.**

**"So why did you leave Holby?"**

**He asked after a moments pause and she looked mildly taken aback, but she answered nonetheless.**

**"There was nothing to stay for."**

**She said and she glanced down to her drink, only a mouthful of water left at the bottom of the glass.**

**"So why did you come back?"**

**He asked and this time she frowned, parted her lips to say something, then thought better of it and smiled slightly.**

**"America wasn't for me..."**

**She murmured.**

**"The whole of America?!"**

**He asked, smiling and she looked up at him again, amusement toying with her lips.**

**"Let's just say I didn't find what I was looking for."**

**She said quietly and watched as he took another sip of his drink.**

**"Maybe what you were looking for was here all along."**

**He said.**

**"Maybe."**

**She whispered and he placed his glass back down on the table again and shifted so that he could face her properly.**

**"I can't quite get over how strange this all is."**

**He said after a moments pause.**

**"Being here with you..."**

**He added.**

**"Why is that strange?"**

**She asked, placing her own drink onto the table on the opposite corner to his.**

**"Because you're Connie Beauchamp!...****_Mrs..._****Beauchamp!"**

**He laughed as he spoke and let his head fall to one side so that it rested against the sofa, just looking at her, how beautiful she looked in the dimly lit room, her features smudged by the light, her body so perfectly curled into the sofa.**

**"Connie."**

**She said quietly and shifted so that she could rest one elbow on the back of the sofa.**

**"Connie..."**

**He repeated. She cleared her throat.**

**"Tell me something about you."**

**She spoke again, and this time she moved so that she could raise one knee to fold against her chest, pushing her foot so that her toes nearly touched the denim of his jeans at his thigh.**

**"I'm probably more interesting if you ****_don't _****know anything about me."**

**He grinned as he spoke, a slow grin that made his blue eyes glitter.**

**"Oh I know a lot of things about you..."**

**She said and he raised an eyebrow.**

**"I know you're interested."**

**She added.**

**"Interested?"**

**He repeated, feeling her toes touch his leg and he glanced down to where her bare foot nudged him.**

**"You stayed when everyone else left. Charlie and Tess have visited, but they'll soon forget...but you stayed."**

**She said, and she cocked her head to one side, regarding him with narrowed eyes.**

**"Why did you stay?"**

**She asked, her voice barely a whisper.**

**He drew up his shoulders and inhaled slowly.**

**"Because you needed someone."**

**He said eventually.**

****More soon. I absolutely cannot concentrate this evening. Too tired and the heads too full of 'stuff'.****

****Hope it's enjoyed though xxx****


	18. Chapter 18

**It was getting late. Outside they could hear the scutter of leaves in the wind, the gentle shiver and tap-tap of the trees as their branches caught the windows, and somewhere in the distance an owl called repeatedly.**

**Max heard the lid of the bin in the kitchen rise and fall as Connie folded the pizza box into it, he heard her clear her throat softly and the slight padding noise of her bare feet on the carpet as she came back into the sitting room.**

**"It's cold."**

**She said, and wrapped her arms about herself.**

**"I forgot how cold it got here."**

**She added, stopping in front of the window and peering out into the darkness before drawing the curtains and turning to face him.**

**"Do you want me to light a fire?"**

**He asked, and she smiled.**

**"No wood."**

**She said.**

**"We'll get some in the morning."**

**He nodded and stood up slowly, his knees stiff from sitting for so long in one position.**

**"Where's the bathroom?"**

**He asked, glancing about himself and she gestured to the far side of the small room.**

**"Just in the bedroom."**

**She said.**

**He yawned.**

**"Which bedroom?"**

**He asked and made his way over to the small hallway that she had pointed to.**

**"There is only one bedroom."**

**She said, and as she spoke she turned her back on him to face the fire place, the flicker of a smile at the corner of her lips.**

**"Oh."**

**He spoke more to himself, and he faltered for a moment in his progress across the room. He glanced back at her, standing there, arms folded, her eyes on the bookcase next to the fire, no doubt reminiscing about the times when she used to come here.**

**He made his way down the little hallway and in through the only door, into a small bedroom, in which there stood only a bed, two bed side tables – one either side of the bed, and a trunk on the floor at the foot of the bed that looked as though it had been beaten about a bit.**

**He by passed it and visited the toilet quickly before returning back to the room. He stopped again and looked about the room. He pulled the curtains closed at the window. There were no photos, nothing, just the bed with it's duvet pulled tight.**

**He ran a finger over the lid of the trunk, the decorative metal hinges ran all the way up and over the top of it, they were cold, and one of them was beginning to rust.**

**Without thinking he bent down and lifted the lid, it creaked slightly and he held it still, not wanting to open it any more in case she heard. Instead he looked inside from where it remained half open. **

**An odd smell emanated from it, a faint musty smell of metal and sweat from what looked like just a pile of clothes.**

**He reached in, the fabric felt torn and he held it up, it was black, just a piece of sheared black fabric, though it felt stiff in patches as though something had spilled onto it and not been cleaned. He let it fall back in and fished out something white – a sleeve, he tugged on it and it came free, and as it spilled out of the trunk into his lap he realised what it was.**

**It took him a moment to push it back where it had been, the white cotton of her shirt, the buttons ripped from it, the cotton patterned with thick dark blood, and the smell...he remembered the smell of her that day, the smell of blood and another man...**

**He closed the trunk and stood up, brushing his jeans as though there may be something left from the clothes on his own. He let out a breath, his heart beat just that little bit quicker, and he turned quickly, finding his breath difficult to catch.**

**He stopped. Connie stood in the doorway, her eyes on the trunk, her lips partly open, her face pale and as he stood not knowing quite what to do with himself she turned her eyes to look at him.**

**"So, you've found my secret already."**

**She whispered.**

****More soon...xxx****


	19. Chapter 19

**"Connie...sorry..."**

**He began but she shook her head, stopping him. He glanced back to the trunk.**

**"Why have you kept them?"**

**He asked quietly and he heard her take a breath in.**

**"I didn't want to forget..."**

**She whispered, and he looked over at her. She still stood there in the doorway, a smudge in the light as though she were a figure in a dream. She smiled, and a laugh caught on her breath as she spoke again.**

**"Ironic...as I can barely remember what happened..."**

**She sighed.**

**"Aren't the scars enough?!"**

**He asked, and immediately regretted asking as he saw her stiffen, flinch even at his words.**

**She pursed her lips.**

**"****Scar tissue has no character. It's not like skin. It doesn't show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It's like a slip cover. It shields and disguises what's beneath. That's why we grow it; it's not real, it's not really us...it's there because we have something to hide. "**

**She said, and she looked down at her hands which she held before her chest.**

**"And in that trunk is what I'm hiding...what happened that day."**

**She smiled.**

**"I'm even hiding it from myself."**

**She whispered and moved slowly into the room.**

**"I thought that maybe they'd help me remember...but I haven't even been able to look at them."**

**She said and she stopped next to him, looking down at the closed trunk.**

**"I thought you said you hadn't been back here in years?"**

**He asked and she narrowed her eyes, glancing up at him, holding his gaze.**

**"I haven't, not really. I came here the night they let me go, I put the clothes in their and left. I was barely here at all."**

**She said.**

**"Do you want to talk about it?"**

**He asked, after a moments pause. **

**She gave a slight shake of her head, the corners of her mouth turning down into a half-hearted smile.**

**"I just want to sleep."**

**She said and he looked over at the bed, somehow the vast expanse of duvet looked less inviting now that he knew what rested in the trunk at the end of it.**

**"I'll leave you to it then..."**

**He said and made to move but she reached out to him ,not quite touching his arm before he stopped.**

**"You could stay?"**

**She said quickly, and he raised an eyebrow.**

**"If you wanted? You don't have to...I just thought...sorry, I shouldn't have asked..."**

**She paused for breath.**

**"Sorry."**

**She said again and this time she smiled and exhaled, her body becoming instantly less rigid and tense.**

**"I don't usually have this much trouble stringing a sentence together."**

**She added and he laughed a whisper of a laugh that disappeared as he looked back at her, narrowing his eyes, unsure as to what to make of the situation, and still very aware of the trunk...**

**"I can stay with you."**

**He said, and he couldn't help but feel slightly pleased about the look of relief that filled her eyes, and for a moment she thought she might say something, instead she looked again to the trunk.**

**"Can you help me move this into the bathroom?"**

**She asked.**

**"I don't particularly want it in here while we sleep."**

**She said, and it was his turn to feel relieved as he helped her to lift the wooden box from it's spot at the end of the bed, and to place it firmly in the bathroom, closing the door on it with a soft 'click'.**

**They turned to face the bed, Connie moving to pick up their bags that she had been carrying when she had seen him with the trunk open. She picked them up and held out his towards him.**

**"Do you want to get changed?"**

**She asked, and he thought momentarily of the cold he would feel if he stripped off to replace his clothes with the pyjamas that he had packed.**

**"I think we'll be warmer if we stay dressed."**

**He concluded and she nodded vaguely in agreement.**

**She set the bags down and closed the bedroom door, moving quickly over to the bed and turning back the duvet, all in one quick motion as though she were doing it before she changed her mind.**

**He followed her, watching her as she sat on the edge of the bed and took a breath before turning and slipping her legs down beneath the covers, waiting for him to crawl in next to her before she pulled up the duvet, shivering, the cold of the mattress seeping through her jumper.**

**"Shall I turn the light off?"**

**She whispered, her teeth clattering within her mouth. **

**He nodded and watched her reach for the little bedside lamp, flicking it off so that they were plunged into an inky blue dark that made them both blink.**

**She turned over to face him, curling herself up, her body twitching against the cold.**

**"Sweet dreams."**

**He whispered, she could hear his smile as he spoke.**

**"I hope so."**

**She whispered back, and pulled the duvet up over her chin.**

****More soon...and it's about to get a bit more interesting...a bit more 'M' rated too. That is if anybody is still reading it?! ;) xxx****


	20. Chapter 20

**She awoke with a scream and a whimper, she tried to breathe in but something sucked in against her mouth and made her gasp for air, slapping away against the duvet that smothered her face and in her flailing she knocked her head against the corner of the bedside table.**

**She swore under her breath and rolled back over onto her side, curling up tightly, her hand pressed hard against the side of her head, her face crumpled.**

**Max moved. She felt him reach out for her in the dark.**

**"What're you doing?"**

**He whispered. She heard him push himself up in the bed when his hand couldn't find her.**

**She drew in a breath, he heard her stifle a sob and he reached across her to the table lamp. She froze as the weight of his body just touched against her as he fumbled with the wire, his fingers searching for the button. There was a soft click and the lamp turned on.**

**He looked down at her as he moved back, she turned her face into the pillow, her hand still at her head.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**He asked, touching ever so gently against her hand.**

**"I just hit my head."**

**She whispered, her voice muffled by the soft feather pillow.**

**"Let me see?"**

**He asked, and she sighed and let her hand slip back under the covers.**

**The side of her head was red and he traced the little raised 'V' where she had knocked herself with the tip of his fingers.**

**"Does it hurt?"**

**He asked and she shook her head.**

**"Not any more."**

**She huffed out a breath and rolled slowly onto her back so that she could look up at him. Her face was flushed from being pressed against the pillow and her hair tufted out on one side.**

**"Sorry for waking you."**

**She whispered and he smiled slightly.**

**"Doesn't matter."**

**He said, and he paused, still resting beside her, leaning up on one arm, looking down at her.**

**"What did you dream about?"**

**He asked and he caught the gentle press of her lips, the flare of her nose and the quick glance to away...**

**"I thought I was being suffocated."**

**She smiled as she spoke, knew how ridiculous she sounded.**

**"The cover was over my face."**

**She added.**

**"Ah."**

**He said and watched as she tugged the duvet up so that it folded in about her chest, tucking under her arms.**

**"I thought that perhaps I wouldn't have the dreams any more if you were with me."**

**She said quietly.**

**He didn't say anything, just touched his hand again to where she had knocked herself, felt the soft warmth of her skin, tracing a line of freckles from the high curve of her cheek bone to the whips of dark hair at her hairline, pushing back the strands, smoothing them down about her head.**

**She didn't move as he touched her, and when he glanced to her face he realised she had closed her eyes again and she let her head fall slightly towards him. She looked so beautiful, so trouble free laying there beneath him, her eyelashes casting shadows across her nose, her freckles scattered so evenly across her cheeks and her lips – dusky pink and ever so slightly open and for the briefest of mad moments he wondered what it would be like to kiss them, to kiss her – really kiss her.**

**He smiled to himself and stroked his fingers again through her hair before leaning down and placing the gentlest of kisses against her forehead. He felt her move, her eye lashes fluttered open and she tilted her head to look at him, just inches above her.**

**"Thank you."**

**She whispered with the flutter of a smile and she let her gaze linger on his.**

**"Thank you..."**

**She repeated, quietly and she lifted herself from the pillow ever so slightly, raising herself, touching her nose against his, smiling, her lips so near to his that he could feel her breath against his face.**

**He felt his pulse quicken, could feel it throbbing at his throat and his mouth seemed so dry all of a sudden.**

**He swallowed, resting his forehead against her own, exhaling slowly.**

**"****If someone liked you...well, more than ****_liked you_****, and they wanted to tell you but they weren't entirely sure of the response, but they did it anyway, would you slap them?"**

**He whispered, and her lips twitched with amusement.**

**"Maybe I'd be pleased."**

**She murmured, and with a quick quirk of a smile she kissed him, pressed her lips against him and slipped her arm about his neck, pulling him down against her.**

****More soon...xxx****


	21. Chapter 21

**She touched her tongue against his, opened her mouth, her lips pressed so firmly against his and he thought how gentle she was, how vulnerable she felt beneath him, his arms either side of her, holding him up, just ever so slightly pressing his chest against her own.**

**The hem of her jumper brushed against the side of his hand, the wool of it rougher than he'd expected, and he found that if he splayed his fingers against the mattress then his thumb met with the strip of bare skin at her waist, so soft and warm and it flinched as he brushed against it. She smiled against his lips, and pulled away slightly.**

**"That tickles."**

**She breathed, her lips were swollen from kissing him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkled.**

**"Sorry."**

**He whispered, and leant down to kiss her again but she dipped her head back further away from him and slipped her arm beneath the covers to find his own, taking a hold of his fingers.**

**"If you want to touch me..."**

**She murmured, and she moved his hand further along so that he had to lean down on his elbow, and she placed his hand against the gentle curve of her stomach, the hem of her jumper having ridden up more here and he hesitated, feeling her skin beneath his palm.**

**She let go of his hand and waited, half expecting him to move away from her. **

**Instead he adjusted his other arm so that he was leaning on both elbows, his chest flat against hers and looked down at her again, turning careful, slow circles with his thumb against her stomach.**

**"What are you thinking?"**

**She whispered and he smiled again.**

**"Nothing..."**

**He said quickly and she raised an eyebrow.**

**He let his hand wander gradually, still tracing those never-ending circles across her abdomen, creeping up – slipping back down – and then up again, gradually pushing her jumper higher until it began to feel tight, and she raised her back just slightly off the bed, arcing herself up against him so that her jumper was no longer held between her body and the mattress and it pulled free, bunching about her chest, his fingers between her ribs, just brushing against the solid barrier of the under wire to her bra and before she had time to stop it, a small groan of anticipation escaped her lips.**

**He smiled, bent down, kissed her again and now the gentleness of before seeped away and as he dawdled a string of fluttering touches across her chest, beneath her bra she arced her back once again, allowing his hand to slip beneath her, to undo the clasp.**

**She felt the fabric give, and as she lay back down against the bed she suddenly felt very exposed. **

**She shivered and he paused, and without saying a word he pulled up the duvet, pulling it up over both of them so that it hung from his back like a tent over her. She smiled, and strained to kiss him again, loving the feel of his lips, the taste of him, the lingering taste of cigarettes that was somehow just so very 'him'.**

**He looked down at her, still not quite able to comprehend that it was her – Connie Beauchamp – who lay before him, and that his hand was against her, touching her intimately, his fingers moving up beneath the bra that rose easily from her skin whilst he kissed her lips, her neck...**

**She let her head roll back, the vast curve of her neck before him, and he kissed every inch, tasting the bitter taste of perfume as he touched his tongue to her flesh.**

**She shivered, murmured a half-breath that caught in her throat as his fingers (still cold), pushed up, encasing her left breast and she pushed up against him so that her back left the mattress and she reached out with an arm to grab hold of the headboard, giving her leverage to push up even further.**

**He shifted, moved lower across her collar bone, his stubble hard against her skin. She shivered again, although this time it was less to do with the cold, and she let her body relax back into the bed, enjoying the slow trail of hot open-mouthed kisses that caressed her chest and she slipped a hand through his hair, tilting her head back down, watching him...**

**He glanced up mid-kiss, saw her exhale through parted lips, caught the whisper of a smile, her eyes bottle-green in the lamp-light.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**He whispered, finishing off the kiss that lingered at his lips and he raised himself up ever so slightly.**

**She nodded faintly.**

**"Are you sure you want to...?"**

**He let his words tail off and her smile widened.**

**"Am I sure I want to...?"**

**She repeated, elongating the last word, raising her eyebrows, toying with him.**

**"I just thought I'd better...check..."**

**He watched her smile and she touched a finger to his lips.**

**"I want to."**

**She whispered.**

****More tomorrow. I am having terrible trouble concentrating on writing this week! xxx****


	22. Chapter 22

**"I'm sorry..."**

**Connie whispered, her cheeks flushed pink, a hand over her eyes, fingers rubbing at her forehead. Max looked down at her, holding himself up above her, his left arm starting to wobble as it began to loose feeling.**

**"Don't be sorry."**

**He whispered, and he rested down on his elbow, stroking the hair from her face with his other hand. Her skin felt soft and she lay beneath him, her skin bare, her body naked and pressed against his own.**

**"I couldn't..."**

**She frowned, removed her hand from her eyes and looked up at him, unable to find the right words.**

**"You don't have to explain."**

**He said quietly and she smiled a small , but grateful, smile.**

**"Let me."**

**She whispered, and he slid himself from on top of her, laying down next to her, and she turned so that they were facing one another, their hands finding each others beneath the duvet, fingers intertwining and holding tight to one another.**

**"You remember the scars I mentioned?"**

**She asked, her breath against his face.**

**"I don't mind about the scars..."**

**He began, but she bit her lip, and he stopped.**

**"Sorry..."**

**He murmured, and he remained silent whilst she went on.**

**"I know you say you don't mind...But I don't want you to see them and think of him whilst we..."**

**She paused, and smiled a twitch of a nervous smile.**

**"I don't want you to be gentle with me because of him."**

**She whispered, and he shook his head ever so slightly so that the feather pillow rustled loudly against his ear.**

**She drew in a breath, struggling to bring the words to her lips, struggling to realise what it was that she actually wanted to say to him.**

**"All I could think of was that he was the last person to be inside me."**

**She said ever so quietly, and he just about heard her, her fingers fidgeting against his own.**

**"I didn't want you to trigger some sort of horrible memory."**

**She added and she laughed an odd breath of a laugh that she hadn't quite meant to emit, and in that breath he realised how much she wanted to be 'normal' again.**

**"Can I speak now?"**

**He whispered, his eyes glittering, and she smiled slightly.**

**"What can I do?"**

**He asked, and he watched as she frowned and touched her tongue to her teeth, thinking...**

**"Because I'll do anything you want."**

**He added, and again she smiled.**

**She squeezed his fingers and dipped her face, her dimples showing as shadows in her cheeks. **

**She felt him against her, the warmth of his firm, angular body pressed gently against her own.**

**"You're not disappointed?"**

**She asked quietly before looking back up at him, and he smiled a slow smile that curled the corners of his lips perfectly and showed a line of straight white teeth.**

**"I've seen Connie Beauchamp naked, it would be hard to be too disappointed."**

**He whispered, watching as she suppressed a laugh with pursed lips and a raised eyebrow.**

**There was a moments pause, and he wondered whether or not to apologise. **

**She turned her face slightly so that her nose pressed against the pillow, and bought one leg up, bending her knee so that it ran up his own leg and curled over his hip, hugging him closer as her toes wriggled against the back of his thigh and she settled to where she seemed to fit so perfectly.**

**"I didn't mean..."**

**He began but she shook her head and glanced up at him from where she lay, her eyes wide and glassy, her pupils smudge-black and dark.**

**"It's always nice to hear nice things about yourself."**

**She whispered, her voice muffled by the pillow.**

**"Even if I do struggle to believe it."**

**She continued, and as she spoke she leant in with her upper body, and he felt the nudge of her forehead against his throat, the press of her breasts against his chest, and he slipped his fingers free of her own and placed his arm about her, his fingers resting between her shoulder blades, stroking the rise and fall of her bones beneath her skin and as he stroked he felt her body begin to give, to relax against him, her breathing slowed and eventually he felt the gradual slump of her body as she fell back to sleep with her body curled so tightly against him.**

****More soon! xxx****


	23. Chapter 23

**The morning bloomed. A fierce orange glow against the horizon. Frost swept across the fields, glittering and winking and the trees hung frozen raindrops from their branches and shivered in the wind.**

**A plume of smoke rose from the chimney of the little cottage, blue and feather-white and prancing over the log roof, curling at the guttering until it faded from view.**

**Connie stretched, shivering as her toes reached the cool at the end of the bed. She yawned, her eyes still closed and she slipped a hand across the bed sheet, seeking him out, easing herself closer to him and sliding her leg across his own, her arm across his chest, tucking her fingers into the gap between his ribs and his arm.**

**She inhaled, the air was cold and stung her nose. She exhaled through her mouth and opened her eyes, blinking against the pale white sunshine that dipped and slanted through the partially drawn curtains, glinting against the walls and blinding her momentarily.**

**She pushed herself further up so that her head was level with his face, the pillow was cold here and she could hear the rustle of the feathers beneath the cotton.**

**She watched him, his lips partly open, his hair all up at one side like a koala's, the lines on his face – she followed them with her eyes – creasing out from the corners of his eyes. Somehow when he was awake he looked younger, now as he lay here he looked his age, which she guessed to be early thirties. She crept a hand up from beneath the covers and ran it across her own face, extracting the sleep from her eyes and smoothing back her hair, suddenly very aware of just how much older than him she was.**

**As she moved he sucked in a breath and his lips tightened, he swallowed and then his jaw grew slack again. She smiled to herself, and somewhere deep in the pit of her stomach she felt the wince and flutter of something resembling fitful, glorious, anticipation.**

**She crept closer, she could see every pore of his skin, every prick of dark stubble at his jaw...she lifted her head from the pillow and placed a soft kiss against his lips, she felt the ever so slight flicker of his mouth against hers, the unconscious press of his lips against her own. She moved back, resting her head back against the pillow.**

**He opened one eye, creasing up one side of his face to peer at her, his eye a smoky blue in the brilliant morning light. She looked back at him, watching as he focused on her, and she suddenly felt the awful twinge of panic – what if she did look her age...**

**"Morning beautiful."**

**He murmured, his voice thick with sleep and he cleared his throat, watching her as she smiled and dipped her head, her hair falling against her cheek, whisping in curls at her jaw.**

**"Morning."**

**She whispered and he rolled over to face her properly, glancing down briefly as the duvet lifted between them and he caught a glimpse of the bare skin of her chest, the freckles, which he hadn't seen the night before, that scattered her flesh, the curve of her breasts...**

**She caught his gaze and turned her face further into the pillow, nudging against him so that he had no choice but to lift his head.**

**"What?"**

**He whispered, and her hands pressed against his chest.**

**She shook her head, and tugged the duvet about her shoulders.**

**He draped an arm about her, pulling her closer so that he could rest his chin on the top of her head.**

**"Am I not allowed to look?"**

**He asked, and she heard the click of his jaw as he spoke.**

**She gave a gentle shake of her head, hating how child like she had become.**

**"I didn't have you down as being self-conscious!"**

**She felt him smile and his lips pressed a kiss against her hair.**

**"I wasn't..."**

**She paused.**

**"I'm a lot older than you..."**

**She murmured, and she leant back to look up at him. He smiled again, showing the glint of his teeth.**

**"Are you?"**

**He asked.**

**"I hadn't noticed."**

**She raised an eyebrow but remained silent.**

**"So just ****_how _****much older are you, then?"**

**He asked, and she drew in a breath so that he felt her chest expand against him.**

**"How old are you?"**

**She asked after a pause.**

**"Thirty three."**

**He said quickly, and narrowed his eyes with amusement.**

**"Thirteen."**

**She murmured.**

**"You're not thirteen!"**

**"No...I'm thirteen years older than you."**

**She sighed and he batted her playfully on the nose with a finger, making her flinch, and with the same hand he gently stroked the side of her face – her forehead, trailing down across the rise of her freckled cheek bone, to the side of her mouth, just touching her lips.**

**"Forty...six..."**

**He murmured.**

**"That ****_is _****old."**

**He mused and she glanced up at him sharply.**

**"I'm joking."**

**He whispered, and he kissed her before she had a chance to respond.**

**"Don't be silly. I've been imagining you naked since you first arrived and believe me, you've surpassed every expectation..."**

**He grinned, and she expelled a laugh of surprise and rolled over onto her back, his arm that had been about her back now draped across her stomach, his hand over her right breast and he felt her nipple harden beneath his palm.**

**She cast a sideways glance in his direction.**

**"You were the one that moved!"**

**He grinned, touching his tongue to his teeth, and she smiled slowly and let her eyes close, just enjoying the feel of his touch, the soft pinch of his fingers, the gentle pressure of his hand...**

**She let slip a murmur of a groan and she allowed him a moment more before she rolled slowly onto her side again, feeling the cold air replace the warmth of his hand as his arm once again fell about her back.**

**"I will be able to...soon."**

**She whispered, barely able to look him in the eye, she could see how much he wanted her, could feel how his breath had quickened and his pupils were large and dark.**

**"There's no rush."**

**He said as he swallowed, and he drew in a deep breath and yawned, turning his face into the pillow.**

**"I'm going to have a shower."**

**She decided suddenly, though she was reluctant to leave him there...and though he smiled she still felt the omnipresent guilt at leaving him so unsatisfied. **

**"You can get a drink...or watch something?"**

**She said as she slipped free of his arm and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, realising suddenly that she had nothing to hide behind.**

**"I think I'll stay here for a minute."**

**He stretched as he spoke and she caught the tell-tale rise in the duvet between his legs. Of course...she slipped her legs from the bed, her toes touching the floor. For a moment she paused, that guilt, rotting away inside her. Never before had she been unable to perform, sexually.**

**His jumper lay on the floor, she nudged it towards herself with her toes and reached down for it. The material was cold as she pulled it over her head and let the sleeves fall, baggy against her own arms. She shuddered against the chill of it and stood up, tugging at its hem that brushed against her thighs.**

**She'd assumed that he would say something – a quick remark? An amusing comment? Instead he remained silent, just watching her as she padded across the room to the little shower room by the window, a full length mirror flanking it.**

**She closed the door, though it refused to close, the handle stiff and ill-fitting – she'd forgotten – instead the door bumped back and forth against the frame. **

**Max twisted, lying so that he faced the shower room, watching the bump-bump of the door and listening as he heard the sharp squeak of the taps, the bubble and gurgle of the pipes and the sudden gush of water from the shower head. **

**The door buffeted again, he glanced it in the mirror, and as he watched he realised that the very edge of the mirror caught the reflection of the shower. He could see the steam, but not much else. **

**He heard the squeak of wet feet on plastic as she entered the shower, and the creak as she positioned herself under the flow of water.**

** Without a sound, and without much thought, he slipped out of the bed and moved, with the slightest of movements, over to the door, pressing himself against the wall, wincing as the bare skin of his back glanced against the cool of the mirror.**

**He watched her. Her back was to him. He pushed the door so that there was only the smallest of cracks to peer through.**

**She stood under the shower head, her face tilted up, the water pelting against her hair that splayed black and wet with dribbles of water that were running in silver rivulets across her back. **

**She stood motionless for a while and he wondered what she was thinking. And then she turned slightly, took a half-step forward to reach for the shampoo and he caught a quick glimpse of a mark on the inside of her right thigh..a purplish mark, darker than her skin.**

**She stood up before he had a chance to see properly, she squeezed an orb of pearly shampoo into the palm of her hand and stepped back out of the water to work it into her hair, rubbing and tugging at the loose curls that grew white with foaming, glittering bubbles, and then, quite without warning, she turned around so that her back was to the shower, tilting her head back so that the stream of water rinsed her hair.**

**He held his breath, half-expecting her to notice him. **

**The white soap from her hair bubbled and slithered from her shoulders across her chest, peaking and dripping from her nipples, skimming her stomach, her thighs...**

**Her thighs...He stared, seemingly unable to blink. Her left thigh was yellow from a fading bruise that extended up almost to her hip and down to her knee. And as she leant back into the water she shifted one knee, bending it so that he could see what he had caught a glimpse of before – a cross sliced into her skin at the very top of her inner thigh, the scar was still red and raised although the lines were straight as though she had been cut with just two swift slashes of a sharp blade.**

**She moved again and reached for the conditioner, once again stepping out of the stream of water, and as she moved nearer to him he caught the glint of fresh cuts, thin red ribbon-strips across her thigh.**

**She rubbed a thick glob of conditioner into her hair and reached for the little bag of toiletries that she had placed on the ledge behind the shower head. She unzipped it and carefully dipped a hand in, drawing out something that caught the light with a glint. He squinted against the steam, barely able to see. She stood, her hair beneath the water, the conditioner sluicing down her back, and she looked down at herself, at her thighs...running a hand over the thin scabbed cuts, her fingers trailing over the bumps of crusted blood that had yet to wash away. She paused and he saw her take a deep breath in, and adjusted the object in her hand – he saw it, the sleek grey metal of a scalpel blade held between shaking fingers and white knuckles. **

**She turned the heat up on the shower until the water hissed and spat, white hot and she held the small blade beneath it for what seemed like far too long – and then with one quick movement she pressed the blade against her abdomen, low against the groin, dragging it along without making a mark until, with no warning whatsoever save the flicker of her eyelids she pushed down, slicing into her own flesh, pulling it, wincing, her forehead creased, her jaw set, and she stopped as quickly as she had started, drawing her hand away, leaving the cut open, blood pricking the surface of her skin and pooling in rivulets that disappeared as they were diluted with the running water. **

**She let her body fall against the wall behind her, barely registering the pain of the cold wall, instead focusing on the heady rush of adrenaline that throbbed within her ears and hammered her heart within her chest.**

**Her mouth hung open, she gasped for breath and her eyes were half-closed, and as her face began to crumple with tears that never came but wished to be shed, she let herself slide the length of the wall until her body bumped against the white plastic of the shower tray, one hand lying limp by her side, fingers twitching whilst the hand that held the blade rested on her knee, and gradually, as if her arm moved without her consent – as if she had no choice - she bought the blade down again, to the bare skin, just above her knee cap and pushed down again with a sudden jerky movement that made her jump and blood gushed from the wound.**

**He pushed the door open before he'd realised that he was going to, unable to just watch her. The steam billowed and curled about him and she moved so quickly that she skidded and he had to grab a hold of her arm to catch her.**

**And there they froze, his hand about her forearm, the arm that held the blade hovered so close to his own skin.**

**He could hear the blood thumping within his ears, could see her breathing quicken as they stared at one another, neither sure what to say.**

**"What're you doing?!"**

**He asked eventually, his voice desperate and his eyes had an oddlook within them.**

**She didn't answer, just opened her mouth slightly to breath better. The water still ran, hissing and pelting against the ground.**

**"Are you hurt?!"**

**He asked, cursing his own question...of course she was hurt. **

**He twisted her arm and snatched the blade from her. **

**"What were you doing?"**

**He asked again, quieter this time...**

**She seemed as if she were in a trance, her eyes were glazed and he shook her so that she caught her breath and winced at the tight grip of his hand about her arm.**

**"I thought you were ok! You were ok with me in there! ...weren't you?"**

**He shook her again and she let out a whimper of a breath that caught in her throat and in that moment he realised why she wasn't saying anything. **

**He let go of her wrist.**

**"I'm not going to hurt you."**

**He whispered and he stepped backwards, the woman who stood naked, wet and trembling was so alarmingly different from the woman who he had watched enter the bathroom moments before.**

**He reached out, slowly this time but still she flinched from him the way he had seen her flinch from everyone since the attack...his immunity had only taken a second to destroy. **

**He stepped back, out of the shower and placed the blade on the side of the sink, then he turned back to her, standing beneath the light, naked, arms by his sides.**

**"I won't hurt you."**

**He whispered. Her eyes were wide, her hair flat against her scalp and running in wet black strands across her shoulders.**

**Finally she moved her feet, and with the sharp squeak of wet skin on plastic she stood up. **

**She stood opposite him, her body visibly trembling. He glanced away, realising he was seeing her how she hadn't want him to see her. An unrecognisable Connie Beauchamp, bleeding and broken.**

**With the wobble of a leg she moved forwards, stepping out of the shower, she paused momentarily in front of him, looking up at him, as if expecting him to run from her, too disgusted by what he saw before him. She drew in a breath, her eyes searching his for something...though what it was that she was looking for, neither were quite sure...**

**She took hold of his hand with her fingers and led him, without a single word, back into the bedroom.**

**The sunshine had dimmed, grey clouds were skittering across the sky and blotting out the sun and the room had gone from a brilliant yellow to a dull blue.**

**She led him to the bed and turned to face him, her back to the mattress, the backs of her knees touching it and she pulled him to her, letting go of his hand and reaching up, moving her hands across his chest, his skin damp and warm. Her fingers moved up over his shoulders to where they pushed into his hair, her nails against his skin.**

**She made to kiss him but he pulled back, looking down at her.**

**"What are you doing?"**

**He asked, his forehead creased with a frown.**

**"I want you."**

**She whispered and his frown deepened.**

**"Inside me."**

**She added when he failed to respond.**

**He almost laughed.**

**"After that?!"**

**He asked incredulously, though his voice was still only a whisper.**

**She glanced down at his chest, lips pursed, her dimples showing briefly.**

**"How long have you been doing that for?"**

**He asked and she shook her head. **

**"It's not something I make a habit of..."**

**"But you had the blade. You'd planned it..."**

**He cut her off and he felt her struggle for something to say, an excuse, a lie...**

**"I realise it's very 'teenage' of me..."**

**She murmured.**

**"That's not the point. The point is that you're hurting yourself when you're hurt enough already!"**

**His voice began to rise and he struggled against it. He sighed. She shivered again and he placed his hands tentatively on her hips.**

**"The cross on your leg..."**

**"That was him."**

**She said quickly.**

**"Why a cross?"**

**He asked and she looked up at him sharply.**

**"I don't know."**

**She snapped.**

**"I don't know..."**

**She pulled him closer and felt him exhale slowly through his teeth.**

**"I'm not doing this. I'm not having sex with you just so that you can exorcise some masochistic urge..."**

**He stopped, her mouth had fallen open, her eyes wide again and sparkling with un shed tears.**

**"I want..."**

**Her voice cut out on her and she drew in a breath to steady herself.**

**"I want to feel something real..."**

**She whispered.**

**"I want to feel something good. I want you to make me feel that."**

**She pressed up against him, her body so cold and fragile. He leant his forehead against hers.**

**"Tonight."**

**He said finally.**

**"Not now. I want you to be sure."**

**He added softly, and he watched her contemplate his answer. She swallowed and nodded ever so slightly. He was right. She realised. Loathe as she was to admit it, he was right... **

**"I'm sorry."**

**She murmured and he slipped his hands to her back, holding her gently, his head against hers.**

**"I'm sorry..."**

****More later today . Apologies for no updates yesterday, the website appeared to be down. xxx****

****P.S I love the fact that my stories are occasionally read in school...****


	24. Chapter 24

**"Ok?"**

**Max asked, glancing up as Connie re-emerged from the bedroom, dressed, hair dried, make up perfectly applied and her hair tied in a loose knot at the nape of her neck. She looked beautiful, almost – but not quite- perfect.**

**"Ok."**

**She said, and she handed him back the little box of plasters that she had used to cover her cuts. He left them on the work top and handed her a glass of water which she accepted with a murmured 'thank you'.**

**She took a sip. The water was ice cold and she felt it slip from her throat all the way down to her stomach. **

**"Are you hungry?"**

**She asked, setting the glass back down onto the kitchen counter. There wasn't much space in the small room, and with two of them standing there was hardly room to move.**

**"Ravenous."**

**He said, swallowing the last of his water. His stomach ached and growled with a low rumble.**

**"I thought we could go to the supermarket. It's only a ten minute walk."**

**She said, stepping from the kitchen into the sitting room where she moved to the door, taking her coat from where it was hung. **

**Max followed her.**

**"Now?"**

**He asked, watching her. She wasn't one for waiting...**

**"I thought we were in the middle of a forest?!"**

**He asked, reaching for his own coat and shrugging it on over his shoulders.**

**She smiled slowly and pushed her feet into her shoes, and it occurred to him as she did that, though he'd seen her barefoot, he'd never seen her in flat shoes...so used to her in heels was he that when she buttoned up her coat and stood before him whilst he zipped up his coat, he realised how much smaller she was and he smiled slightly.**

**"We're on the edge of the forest. It's not far...what are you smiling about?"**

**She asked, distracted by his obvious amusement. He shook his head and she watched him push his feet into his shoes.**

**"What is it?"**

**She asked again, and he slipped his hands into his pockets, pre-empting the cold outside.**

**"Nothing! You're just...smaller than I thought you were."**

**He smiled again and she paused, not quite sure of what to say. She frowned slightly.**

**"Oh."**

**She said eventually, and she reached for her hand bag.**

**"Is that ok?"**

**She asked suddenly, glancing at him as she placed a hand on the handle, opening the door slowly, the cold air buffeting in, making them both tense, bracing against the wind.**

**He exhaled a silent laugh and nodded, taking a hand from his pocket and reaching out to her, taking hold of her own.**

**"Of course it's ok, it was just an observation.**

**He said and they stepped out into the grey world beyond.**

**"We're holding hands?"**

**She felt his fingers intertwine with her own.**

**"We are...we are..."**

**He paused.**

**"Is that ok?"**

**He asked.**

**"Mmm. Just an observation."**

**She murmured and the ice crackled beneath their feet, snapping as they walked. The cold air making their throats sting and the blind white eye of the sun glinting down on them from behind the clouds.**

**"So where is this supermarket?"**

**He asked as they moved off, hands pressed tightly between them.**

**"This path leads us to it. Well, it leads us to the car park."**

**She murmured, concentrating on her steps so that she didn't slip.**

**"Do I have to hoist you over a barbed wire wall to get in?"**

**He asked and she glanced at him, bemused.**

**"No."**

**She said quietly and he looked back down at his feet, smiling.**

**"There's a gate."**

**She added and he laughed.**

**"So..."**

**He glanced up at her again and she met his gaze, their faces pale and nipped with pink, their breath billowing before their lips as they breathed.**

**"You just used to come up here and work?"**

**He asked and she nodded, turning and watching a dog walker in the near distance.**

**"Don't fancy talking?"**

**He asked, nudging her slightly.**

**"Sorry.."**

**She drew in a breath and blew out a cloud of white.**

**"I used to come up here most weekends. When I found out I was pregnant with Grace I spent a week here. I just come here when I need to think."**

**She murmured, and they nodded a silent greeting to the elderly man who passed them by with his spaniel who bounded quickly about their shoes, sniffing at their heels before lumbering off again with a sneeze and a lick of his wet nose.**

**They walked on, Connie side-stepping a frozen puddle, their arms briefly touching. She caught the twitch of his lips and he cast a sideways glance in her direction. He was thinking something. She'd come to recognise his habits, his quirks...**

**"Yes?"**

**She asked, and his smile widened, his teeth glinting.**

**"Is that the answer?"**

**He whispered, and she slowed her step.**

**"You haven't asked me anything, yet?"**

**She laughed, and he watched with pleasure how her face changed when she laughed. How the lines at her mouth curved about her lips and her eyes sparkled a glittering green.**

**"Ah..."**

**He murmured and he stopped abruptly beneath the bare bough of an oak tree. He reached up with his free hand and took hold of the branch, pulling her away from the path, through the stiff wet leaves to where she stood before him, their fingers still intertwined.**

**"Can I kiss you?"**

**He asked quickly.**

**"Here?!"**

**She asked, she hadn't been expecting him to be so bold...**

**"What's wrong with here? The dappled sunshine? The trees sparkling with frost?"**

**He glanced about them, his eyes focusing on something behind her and he let his arm fall from the tree and pointed with his finger.**

**"That little rabbit over there...it's like a Disney film."**

**He said, and she glanced behind herself, catching the flicker of a white bob-tail disappearing beneath a holly bush.**

**"So...can I?"**

**He asked and she looked back at him, his cheeks were pink, his breath clouding between them and the ghost of a smile just behind his eyes, waiting for her to say yes...**

**"You don't need to ask my permission to kiss me."**

**She said quietly and with that his smile bloomed behind his eyes.**

**"I didn't want you to slap me."**

**He admitted and she arced an eyebrow.**

**"I won't slap you."**

**She promised.**

**"A slap always hurts more in the cold...I didn't want..."**

**She raised herself up on to her toes and kissed him, silencing him. Kissing him slowly, repeatedly until she felt she was kissing his smile.**

**"You're always allowed to kiss me."**

**She whispered.**

****More soon xxx****


	25. Chapter 25

**"Catch!"**

**Max called, and Connie looked up quickly, catching the onion that Max tossed at her from where he stood, only a few feet away.**

**"Why do we need an onion?"**

**She asked, rotating it within her hands.**

**"Because I'm going to cook you dinner."**

**He said triumphantly, turning back to the shelves, scanning the vegetables with much more intensity than was necessary. **

**"Catch!"**

**He tossed a packet of tomatoes at her without much warning and she caught caught them against her chest.**

**"Will you stop throwing vegetables at me!"**

**She snapped, though she smiled as she spoke and dropped both the onion and the tomatoes into the trolley where they rolled about against the metal of it, the onion shedding a layer of papery brown skin that rattled gently against the bottom of the trolley as it moved.**

**"Technically tomatoes are a fruit."**

**He said, pointing at her with the end of a leek that he'd just picked up. The green leafy ends flopping against his jacket.**

**"Are we buying that leek or are you just going to gesture with it?"**

**She asked and he tossed it over in his hand so that the opposite end pointed at her.**

**"I'm drawn to vaguely phallic vegetables."**

**He mused, and she turned and ran her fingers along the sleek green skin of a marrow. **

**He watched her and drew in a sigh.**

**"Yeah...let's concentrate more on the leek...or perhaps a carrot?"**

**He exclaimed, tossing the leek back and picking up a thick, short, carrot.**

**She moved passed him, pushing the trolley and picked the leek back up, taking the carrot from him and placing it back with the rest.**

**"Let's stick with the leek."**

**She said, and moved off passed him, leaving him to follow behind, his jaw aching from smiling.**

**"What else would you like?"**

**She asked as he dropped the leek into the shopping trolley and edged in next to her.**

**They moved along the aisles, passed the fruit and vegetables, the cleaning products, the electrical aisle where screens of all sizes blinked together, showing the same images over and over.**

**"I fancy cake."**

**He said suddenly as they approached the bakery counter. The smell of freshly baked bread and the sweet scent of icing greeted them.**

**"I'm not buying a shop bought cake."**

**She said slightly too loudly, and one of the bakers behind the counter looked up sharply.**

**"Don't look now but I think you're about to be murdered for your snobbery."**

**Max hissed and he placed his hands over her own on the bar of the trolley, forcing her to move along into the home baking aisle.**

**"I'm not a snob..."**

**She began but his laughter cut her off.**

**"I just don't like supermarket cakes!"**

**She continued and he inhaled loudly, amusement quirking his lips.**

**"I'll make you one though."**

**She said as they stopped next to the flour and sugar, a bag had split somewhere and a shower of tiny grains of sparkling sugar crunched beneath the wheels of the trolley.**

**"You can't bake?!"**

**He exclaimed, watching as she selected a bag of flour and placed it into the trolley.**

**"What makes you think I can't bake?"**

**She asked, bending slightly to see the packages of sugar.**

**"You look like that. You save lives for a living...and you can bake? Hardly fair on the rest of the human race now is it?"**

**He mused, looking at the array of brightly coloured sprinkles, edible flowers and candles splayed out across the shelves, though he caught the flicker of a smile at her lips as she selected the sugar that she wanted.**

**"Flatterer"**

**She murmured**

**"...what sort of cake?"**

**She asked**

**"Chocolate."**

**He said decisively, and she crossed the aisle for the cocoa powder, choosing one and turning just In time to see him drop something else into the trolley. **

**"You can't have chocolate cake without icing and sprinkles."**

**He said, and she raised an eyebrow.**

**"Your wish is my command."**

**She breathed, and set off again with the trolley.**

****More soon. Thank you very much for the lovely comments on the last chapter :) Greatly appreciate xxx****


	26. Chapter 26

**"Coffee."**

**Connie held out the jar to Max who was pushing the trolley behind her.**

**"Coffee."**

**He repeated as he took it and nestled it into the shopping at the bottom of the trolley.**

**"Do you have milk?"**

**She asked, wondering briefly where the dairy aisle was. She had a vague feeling that they'd already passed it.**

**"Max?"**

**She glanced round. Max was leaning against the metal shelves, head bowed, seemingly deeply engrossed in a packet of tea bags.**

**"Max?"**

**She crossed the aisle back to him and he raised his eyes, quickly looking over his shoulder at a woman who was retrieving something from a shelf and placing it into her basket. She was young, blonde, and startlingly pretty.**

**Connie watched her as she backed out of the aisle having found what it was that she was looking for.**

**"She's gone."**

**She said flatly, and Max relaxed, his shoulders lowering and he pushed the tea bags back onto the shelf so that they were facing the wrong way.**

**"Who was that?"**

**She asked, turning the tea bags around so that their label faced outwards.**

**"Oh...ex-girlfriend."**

**He muttered, avoiding eye contact and looking down at what they had in the trolley.**

**"You didn't want to see her?"**

**Connie asked, watching as said ex-girlfriend reappeared and passed by the top of the aisle.**

**"Um...no."**

**He paused, his cheeks were flushed.**

**"She cheated on me with a friend...a female friend. Nothing to do with my sexual performance I hasten to add."**

**"These things usually aren't."**

**She murmured and he began pushing the trolley into 'frozen foods'.**

**"So you're not quite over her?"**

**She asked slowly, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Watching how he shook his head.**

**"No, I'm over her."**

**He said and glanced at her, her eyebrow raised in disbelief.**

**"I am! She kissed like a hoover. Even if she were the last woman on the planet...and the leader of an alien attack force forced me at ray-gunpoint to kiss her on the cheek, and I'd already been warned, through an interpreter, that he would blow up the world if I didn't, I still wouldn't. That's how much she means to me."**

**He gushed and she smiled at his discomfort – it was oddly endearing that he felt it necessary to justify himself to her.**

**"Good answer, but betray the whole planet for a kiss? - A bit cavalier, isn't it?"**

**She mused, by passing the frozen deserts.**

**"I said there were no other people left...It wouldn't matter."**

**He muttered, quickening his pace to keep up with her as they moved into long gleaming aisle of bottles of alcoholic beverages.**

****"They might come back? ******They might be hiding on another planet."**

**She let slip a smile of amusement as she spoke, and he placed a hand on the bar of the trolley to stop it, realising suddenly that she was not only winding him up, but that she was enjoying it.**

**"****Well, I would kiss her and then fall on my sword."**

**He stated firmly, his hand still next to hers on the trolley, a finger raised, running along the top of her knuckles.**

****"******You have a sword?"**

**She smiled and he bit the skin of his bottom lip, nodding.**

"Yep.**** And ******It wouldn't even be a proper kiss."**

**He added and she drew in a breath, frowning slightly, contemplating his words before looking back up at him.**

****"******What's a proper ki-"**

**Before she could finish her sentence he dipped his head to hers, kissing her with a suddenness that startled her. His lips were warm and soft and pressed so firmly against her own that she had little choice but to kiss him back..to touch her tongue against his...shivering as he placed a hand to her jaw, his fingers just touching the skin behind her ear whilst his thumb rested at the very corner of her mouth.**

**"Good to see you two are getting on so well."**

**A voice that they both recognised startled them and Max broke the kiss, stepping back away from her so quickly that he stumbled into another customer, who swore under his breath as Max mumbled a half-heard apology while the other man moved away.**

**"Charlie!"**

**Connie touched her fingers to her lips. She could still feel Max's kiss, could still taste him in her mouth. She glanced across at him.**

**"Just be glad it wasn't your sister."**

**Charlie said, still smiling, and he nodded to Max who stood very still in the middle of the aisle, unsure what to do with himself.**

**"We were just..."**

**Connie began, but tailed off when she realised she could think of no other reasons as to why they had been doing what they were doing.**

**"You were kissing."**

**Charlie said matter of factly, and Connie let out an exhale that sounded as strangled as it felt.**

**"I'm glad to see you're looking happier, Connie."**

**He added, and he placed a hand against her arm, squeezing it gently as he moved passed them, giving a brief nod to Max as he went.**

****More soon! xxx ****


	27. Chapter 27

**"Coffee."**

**Connie held out the jar to Max who was pushing the trolley behind her.**

**"Coffee."**

**He repeated as he took it and nestled it into the shopping at the bottom of the trolley.**

**"Do you have milk?"**

**She asked, wondering briefly where the dairy aisle was. She had a vague feeling that they'd already passed it.**

**"Max?"**

**She glanced round. Max was leaning against the metal shelves, head bowed, seemingly deeply engrossed in a packet of tea bags.**

**"Max?"**

**She crossed the aisle back to him and he raised his eyes, quickly looking over his shoulder at a woman who was retrieving something from a shelf and placing it into her basket. She was young, blonde, and startlingly pretty.**

**Connie watched her as she backed out of the aisle having found what it was that she was looking for.**

**"She's gone."**

**She said flatly, and Max relaxed, his shoulders lowering and he pushed the tea bags back onto the shelf so that they were facing the wrong way.**

**"Who was that?"**

**She asked, turning the tea bags around so that their label faced outwards.**

**"Oh...ex-girlfriend."**

**He muttered, avoiding eye contact and looking down at what they had in the trolley.**

**"You didn't want to see her?"**

**Connie asked, watching as said ex-girlfriend reappeared and passed by the top of the aisle.**

**"Um...no."**

**He paused, his cheeks were flushed.**

**"She cheated on me with a friend...a female friend. Nothing to do with my sexual performance I hasten to add."**

**"These things usually aren't."**

**She murmured and he began pushing the trolley into 'frozen foods'.**

**"So you're not quite over her?"**

**She asked slowly, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Watching how he shook his head.**

**"No, I'm over her."**

**He said and glanced at her, her eyebrow raised in disbelief.**

**"I am! She kissed like a hoover. Even if she were the last woman on the planet...and the leader of an alien attack force forced me at ray-gunpoint to kiss her on the cheek, and I'd already been warned, through an interpreter, that he would blow up the world if I didn't, I still wouldn't. That's how much she means to me."**

**He gushed and she smiled at his discomfort – it was oddly endearing that he felt it necessary to justify himself to her.**

**"Good answer, but betray the whole planet for a kiss? - A bit cavalier, isn't it?"**

**She mused, by passing the frozen deserts.**

**"I said there were no other people left...It wouldn't matter."**

**He muttered, quickening his pace to keep up with her as they moved into long gleaming aisle of bottles of alcoholic beverages.**

****"They might come back? ******They might be hiding on another planet."**

**She let slip a smile of amusement as she spoke, and he placed a hand on the bar of the trolley to stop it, realising suddenly that she was not only winding him up, but that she was enjoying it.**

**"****Well, I would kiss her and then fall on my sword."**

**He stated firmly, his hand still next to hers on the trolley, a finger raised, running along the top of her knuckles.**

****"******You have a sword?"**

**She smiled and he bit the skin of his bottom lip, nodding.**

"Yep.**** And ******It wouldn't even be a proper kiss."**

**He added and she drew in a breath, frowning slightly, contemplating his words before looking back up at him.**

****"******What's a proper ki-"**

**Before she could finish her sentence he dipped his head to hers, kissing her with a suddenness that startled her. His lips were warm and soft and pressed so firmly against her own that she had little choice but to kiss him back..to touch her tongue against his...shivering as he placed a hand to her jaw, his fingers just touching the skin behind her ear whilst his thumb rested at the very corner of her mouth.**

**"Good to see you two are getting on so well."**

**A voice that they both recognised startled them and Max broke the kiss, stepping back away from her so quickly that he stumbled into another customer, who swore under his breath as Max mumbled a half-heard apology while the other man moved away.**

**"Charlie!"**

**Connie touched her fingers to her lips. She could still feel Max's kiss, could still taste him in her mouth. She glanced across at him.**

**"Just be glad it wasn't your sister."**

**Charlie said, still smiling, and he nodded to Max who stood very still in the middle of the aisle, unsure what to do with himself.**

**"We were just..."**

**Connie began, but tailed off when she realised she could think of no other reasons as to why they had been doing what they were doing.**

**"You were kissing."**

**Charlie said matter of factly, and Connie let out an exhale that sounded as strangled as it felt.**

**"I'm glad to see you're looking happier, Connie."**

**He added, and he placed a hand against her arm, squeezing it gently as he moved passed them, giving a brief nod to Max as he went.**

****More soon! xxx ****


	28. Chapter 28

**"He won't tell anyone."**

**Max said as Connie poured two glasses of wine, placing the bottle back neatly on the coffee table and handing him one.**

**"I know he wont."**

**She murmured, dipping her lips to the glass and taking a much needed sip. She swallowed and squinted down at the hand of cards that she had been dealt.**

**"So why the long face?"**

**He asked, taking a gulp of his own drink and wincing at the bitterness of it.**

**She raised an eyebrow at him and leant back against the base of the sofa from where she sat on the floor, opposite him, the fire crackling and wheezing behind his back.**

**She watched the flames, blue at the base and rising in a fit of flickering, violently orange flames that licked and spat at the inside of the chimney breast.**

**"Connie."**

**He poked her with his finger.**

**"Cheer up."**

**He poked her repeatedly until she sucked in a breath and blinked, regaining focus.**

**"You can't make me laugh by poking me."**

**She sighed, and looked again at the cards. Suspecting somehow that he may be cheating.**

**"Perhaps not. But I can make you orgasm."**

**He said, the second bottle of wine making him bold, though he still felt the glint of embarrassment as she looked back at him.**

**"By poking me?"**

**She asked eventually and he flicked the corner of one of his cards with the edge of his thumb. **

**"Well...not with my finger. Well...actually I could...but I meant..."**

**"I know what you meant."**

**She cut him off, and though the irritation that Charlie had caught them kissing was still there, she managed a smile and flexed her toes, nudging him, her legs extended out between them.**

**"What've you got?"**

**He asked, changing the subject and using his free hand to adjust her left foot so that it lay in his lap, and he began pushing and rubbing at it, distracting her all the more.**

**"I haven't got any more money, you'll have to lend me some."**

**She sighed. His thumb pushing into the ball of her foot felt so nice that it was all she could do to stop herself from closing her eyes and letting her head – foggy with wine – fall back against the sofa cushions.**

**"It doesn't have to be money."**

**He said, stopping briefly in his ministrations to re-order the cards that he held.**

**"Well, I haven't got anything else."**

**She said, wriggling her foot in his lap so that he'd rub it again.**

**"The toaster?"**

**She offered suddenly and he laughed out loud.**

**"No...thank you. You're drunk."**

**He smiled, his face smudged and dark, his body a silhouette against the raging fire.**

**"Not quite. What then?"**

**She asked, resting her wine glass on her knee so that the base made a circle of condensation on her jeans.**

**"A kiss."**

**He said, shifting himself slightly and resuming his massage of her foot, moving his hand to her ankle.**

**"I fold..."**

**She murmured, making to place her cards down, but his quick smile stopped her and she narrowed her eyes.**

**"Your choice."**

**He whispered and she glanced again at her cards.**

**"You're bluffing."**

**She sighed and he held up his cards so that he could see them better.**

**"I am, yeah."**

**He mused, and looked at her over the top of them, the edges of the paper pale and illuminated by the flames.**

**"OK, I'll see you for a kiss."**

**She said finally, and placed her cards down between them, next to her knees and watched as he did the same.**

**"Ah, well, read these and weep quite a lot."**

**He smiled, and she cast an eye over his cards.**

**"A full house..."**

**She murmured and he rubbed at the heel of her foot.**

**"Yep. An entirely replete fixed abode."**

**He sighed and he took another gulp of the wine, coughing as it hit the back of his throat.**

**"You weren't bluffing!"**

**She huffed and began to gather up the cards.**

**"I never do."**

**He murmured, watching her, refusing to pass her the cards that he still held.**

**"I'm putting them away?"**

**She said, reaching out for them but he smiled slowly and placed them on the table.**

**"Well, hard cheese, because you are now rather poor and you owe me a kiss, and I'd like to collect my winnings before dinner...please."**

****More soon xxx****

****And I will update my other two stories tomorrow. We are all still ill and it's difficult to concentrate on writing with two sneezing, wheezing, coughing, vomiting toddlers.****

****Anyway, thank you ever so much for the lovely comments.****

****M is for... Thank you! Your last comment about my writing, and how you could picture everything made me smile. That's always what I aim for, though I do try to cut back a bit on description as I obsess over it occasionally and get a bit carried away. Also...RE! How on earth do you get away with reading in school?! When I was at school (I'm very aware that makes me sound old) our teachers could tell if we passed wind let alone sat reading a story! xxx****


	29. Chapter 29

**"Thank you for dinner."**

**Connie murmured, tilting her head so that it rested on Max's shoulder. **

**They sat together on the sofa before the fire. The flames licked and crackled and occasionally spat out burning hot cinders onto the hearth, and once a log rolled free and Max knocked it back in with the fork he'd been eating with.**

**He smiled and ran his lips against her hair, staring into the flames, watching how they danced and frolicked, his eyes blurring. **

**He blinked.**

**"S'ok."**

**He murmured and kissed the top of her head, almost without meaning to.**

**She yawned, he felt her chest expand and relax back against him and she placed a hand upon his thigh, just letting it rest there, feeling the warmth of him beneath the fabric.**

**"You're tired."**

**He whispered and she manoeuvred herself so that she could look up at him, her jaw against his shoulder now.**

**"Mmm.."**

**She stretched against him and sat up.**

**"Bedtime, I think."**

**She sighed, and yawned again into the back of her hand. Her hair hung loose at her back where it had begun to slip from the knotted bun she had tied that morning, and she struggled to get up, her body limp, exhausted. **

**She reached out a hand to him and followed her into the bedroom.**

**The room was cold and she shivered as soon as they'd entered. She closed the door and drew the curtains quickly before turning on the bedside lamp, casting the bedroom in a low orange glow.**

**He sat on the end of the bed and took off his socks, turning them into a ball and standing to unbuckle his belt but as he did so he felt the cold press of Connie's fingers and she moved before him, her hands covering his own.**

**"Have you forgotten?"**

**She asked, her head cocked to one side, her eyes dreamy in the half-light.**

**"I thought you were tired?"**

**He asked, though he smiled and she bit her lip.**

**"Not too tired."**

**She whispered, and she stood on tip toes to kiss him.**

**"It's too cold to undress slowly."**

**He breathed, kissing her back.**

**"Get undressed and I'll meet you under the duvet in 12.2 seconds."**

**He added, her lips smiling as they pressed against his.**

**"You certainly know how to seduce a woman."**

**She murmured, and moved away from him as he laughed, shrugging herself free of her own clothes, listening to the jangle of his belt buckle as he stepped from his jeans and pulled off his top and jumper together in one quick movement.**

**She dipped her lips beneath the edge of the duvet as he clambered in next to her, disguising her smile, and rolled over to face him.**

**"Bloody freezing!"**

**He hissed, they were both shivering.**

**He reached for her hands beneath the duvet, touching her fingers, pulling her closer so that they shivered within one another's arms. He kissed her, ever so gently, kissed the corners of her lips, her mouth, just dipping his tongue to hers, tasting the wine on her breath and raising a hand to push his fingers through her hair, his thumb brushing against her jaw.**

**She broke the kiss to look back at him, her lips blushed and her eyes dark.**

**"You ok?"**

**He asked, and he realised he had stopped shivering. **

**She nodded, breathless, she could feel how hard he was against her already and the thought of it sent a brief flicker of nervousness through her.**

**"I didn't think to bring condoms with me."**

**He whispered, frowning so that the pillow creased against the side of his face. She smiled slightly.**

**"I'd worry If you had thought to bring them."**

**She murmured, and she kissed him again.**

**"Don't worry, I have the Copper coil."**

**She whispered and he raised an eyebrow though he continued to kiss her whilst he spoke against her lips.**

**"I'm not sure what that is, but ok?"**

**He mumbled.**

**"And I don't want foreplay"**

**She added. He raised an eyebrow, narrowing an eye at her.**

**"You don't?"**

**He asked and she shook her head.**

**"I didn't realise there were going to be rules..."**

**He whispered, running a hand from her shoulders, down beneath the duvet and across her waist, her hips, hesitating at the very top of her thigh where his fingers drew circles on her skin.**

**"Sorry..."**

**She exhaled and glanced down between them to the shadow beneath the cover, his fingers gradually moving up and down across her side.**

**"Nervous?"**

**He asked and she looked back up at him, relieved to see the worry there, knowing that he would look after her.**

**She nodded.**

**"I just want to feel you inside me...I just want to feel..."**

**"I know."**

**He cut her off and leant his head against her own, the tip of his nose touching hers.**

**"But if I trigger any bad memories please don't hit me."**

**He murmured and she bit the skin of her bottom lip, twisting as he shifted, moving on top of her, pausing to allow her to curl her legs over his own, holding himself up above her on his elbows.**

**"I won't hit you."**

**She whispered.**

**"Sure?"**

**He murmured, feeling her stomach flutter against his.**

**"I'm sure."**

**She whispered and he allowed himself to move just that little bit closer to her, his body resting gently against hers, one hand just slipping beneath the covers, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh of the back of her thigh, forcing himself to ignore the cuts beneath his fingertips as he, ever so slowly, pushed himself inside her.**

**He felt her tense, her breath quickened, her eyes widened with a flicker of fear and for a moment he thought that she would change her mind, but as he withdrew slowly, and gradually pushed back into her, she began to relax, her legs stopped trembling and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to be taken by him, rolling her head back against the pillow and arcing her back so that her chest pressed against his whilst he trailed hot wet kisses down the length of her neck.**

****More tomorrow!****


	30. Chapter 30

**They awoke to a sharp cracking sound. Connie held her breath, in her dreams it had sounded like a gun shot, though now as she listened she heard the cracks were longer, and followed by the shuffle of white snow on the roof. The ice was melting.**

**She smiled, moaning a yawn, stretching as Max held her tightly, his body curled about hers from behind, his face pushed against her hair, repeatedly kissing her neck, her shoulders, until she laughed and rolled over.**

**"Morning."**

**She murmured and he kissed her on this lips, wrapping his arms about her as she did him.**

**"Morning."**

**She whispered, and focused on him, his hair tousled, his eyes sleepy, yet smiling. They'd had only a few hours sleep between rounds, though what they'd had, had been sound. **

**"I need a wee."**

**He yawned and rolled over onto his back, turning his head to face her.**

**"You look so beautiful when you've just woken up."**

**He murmured, and touched a hand to her face, gently pushing away the stray hairs. She smiled against his fingers though she didn't quite believe him.**

**He shuffled himself to the edge of the bed, wincing at the cold of the sheets and slipped out of the bed, placing his feet on the ground and stretching before he stood up. Connie watched as he stretched, every muscle taught and rigid and he ran a hand through his hair. **

**"Shit! Fuck, Christ!"**

**His knee gave way slightly as he took a step and he had to place his hand against the wall to steady himself. **

**"What happened?"**

**She asked, worried he'd stepped on something, or hurt himself.**

**He flexed his leg quickly and carried on, on his way around the foot of the bed to the bathroom.**

**"Nothing, just a bit weak kneed from last night."**

**He said, watching her smile, her teeth against her bottom lip.**

**"Don't laugh, you wait till you get up. If you're not bow legged they'll be trouble."**

**He tossed her a vaguely amused glare and disappeared into the en suite.**

**She rolled over onto her stomach and spread herself out beneath the duvet, reaching out with her legs to the cold at the bottom of the bed and then retracting her limbs slowly and she shivered and tugged the covers up to her jaw.**

**She listened to the sound of the taps running, the toilet flushing and the door opening with a creak and a dull thud as it knocked back on it's hinges.**

**"Breakfast in bed?"**

**He asked, and she heard the jangle of his jeans, the belt swinging from it's loops.**

**She peered over the duvet at him, he was naked and busy turning his jeans the right way out again. She smiled into the back of her hand and felt the brief tightening of her stomach as she thought about last night. How she'd grasped hold of him, her nails making little half moons across the skin of his back as he'd thrust into her.**

**"What do you fancy?"**

**He asked, tugging on the jeans and buckling them up before reaching for his jumper.**

**She shook her head.**

**"Surprise me."**

**She whispered and he pulled the jumper down over his head, his hair tufting up at the back of his head in rather an endearing way.**

**She watched as he left the room, leaving the door open as he went. She sighed happily and rolled over to get comfortable again, the duvet encasing her, the warmth making her shudder. **

**She heard the soft thud-thud of him opening and closing cupboards in the kitchen, and the gentle hum of the little electric oven being turned on followed by the clatter of plates and the hiss of water as he filled the kettle.**

**Then for a moment their was silence, and then the quiet murmur of the television came on, she heard the beat of the BBC News, heard him cough and the creak of a floorboard as he moved back into the kitchen. She knew her choices would be limited, they'd only bought the bare essentials.**

**Eventually the need to go to the toilet herself became too strong and she slipped from the covers, shivering against the bitter cold air and hurrying to the en suite. **

**Moments later she re-emerged, and quickly she located clean underwear and pulled on Max's jumper from the day before, pushing up the sleeves so that they didn't dangle about her hands and she pushed her hair from her face, twisting it into a loose knot so that it stayed there at the nape of her neck.**

**She could hear Max humming something whilst he moved. She smiled to herself, this strange situation had somehow become the domestic bliss she'd always wondered about, but had never experienced. **

**Curiosity got the better of her and she padded silently from the bedroom and into the sitting room, leaning against the door frame to the kitchen where she watched him, his back to her, his head bowed over a pan on top of the oven.**

**"What're you making?"**

**She asked quietly and she saw him flinch slightly. He looked over to her and pointed accusingly at her with his wooden spoon.**

**"You're supposed to be in bed."**

**He said, and placed the spoon back into the pan before it dripped.**

**"I'm impatient."**

**She smiled, and he glanced at her as he sucked something from the tip of his thumb.**

**"Bow-legged?"**

**He murmured, and gave whatever was in the saucepan another stir. She shook her head, still smiling.**

**He puffed out a breath and frowned.**

**"I'll have to try harder tonight."**

**He said, and she raised an eyebrow, though she remained silent.**

**"Go and sit down, it's nearly ready."**

**He instructed and she dutifully turned and made her way slowly into the sitting room. The fire had been lit, she moved to stand in front of it, feeling the heat against her legs and she showed the palms of her hands to the flames, warming her cold fingers and listening to the crackle and spit of the wood as it burned. **

**She glanced to the television at the mention of local railway delays, perhaps they would explain their own delay on the way down. She listened, but the fire was loud and the television on low so that she only caught the odd word.**

**She yawned, loathe to move away from the warmth of the fire for the remote. Max was humming something again, she recognised the tune, though she couldn't place it. **

**The fire gave a pop and spat a glowing splinter of wood out onto the hearth, where it rolled, smoking onto the wooden floorboards. She bent to flick it back in with bare fingers, feeling the quick burn of it as it flicked back into the flames.**

**As she stood up she glanced over at the television again. They were showing a brief segment from Holby City station, the ticker tape at the bottom of the screen announcing more delays due to signal failure. **

**A train was shown pulling into the station, passengers milled about, and the reporter moved out of the way to let them by whilst doing his piece to camera. She looked behind him to the people, harassed mothers, business men drinking take away coffees...she frowned. Someone stood on the platform, his back to the camera, just like 50% of the people there he held a take away cup and every so often he raised it to his lips. **

**But that coat. She knew that coat. The high collar turned up about his neck...Armani fall collection 2013. **

**She was holding her breath, she knew him, she remembered...**

**_Cafe Lola..._**

**He turned to face the camera, he sipped his coffee...**

**_Cafe Lola...the best coffee on this side of the street..._**

**All at once she saw his face, slightly pix-elated behind the news reporter, and as he glanced to the camera, looking straight down the lens she flinched, she felt cold, suffocated though she couldn't move. **

**He was here, she realised. He was in England.**

**And she remembered...**

**He'd held her down over her desk, one hand pushing down on the side of her head so hard that her jaw clicked and her teeth pressed bare against the wood, his body so heavy above her that she could barely breathe. **

**It hadn't occurred to her to scream, though the crush of her chest between his and the desk would have meant it impossible anyway. **

**He'd pushed up her skirt whilst he forced himself into her he'd told her over and over...**

**"Now you won't forget me."**

****More soon! Thank you for the lovely comments, they're always welcome! xxx****


	31. Chapter 31

**"Breakfast is served!"**

**Max came in with a clatter of plates, pausing, expecting her to turn. Instead she stood transfixed.**

**"Connie?"**

**He tried again, but it was as though she couldn't hear him. He set the plates down, catching a fork as it began to slide from the plate and made his way over to her, reaching out to her, but as he placed a hand upon her shoulder she jerked violently, a half-strangled cry came from deep down in her chest and she struggled to catch her breath as she turned, not expecting to see Max there...**

**He retracted his hand, her eyes were wide and wild and her lips trembled as though she were cold. **

**"What's wrong?"**

**He asked, seeing the glint of un-shed tears within her eyes, though this time he didn't reach out to her, afraid of her reaction.**

**She just looked at him for a moment, staring at him, barely breathing. She'd paused the television. She still held the remote, though as she turned she forgot she held it and it fell from her fingers to the floor where the casing split and a lone battery rolled out from the back.**

**"Come and eat, I've made you..."**

**"I don't want to eat."**

**She whispered, barely sounding like herself, her throat so choked up and painful, her voice so strained...**

**"But I just made it for y..."**

**"I DON'T WANT IT!"**

**She shouted so loudly that he jumped and took a step back from her, watching as her whole body shook within his jumper. She raised a trembling hand to her lips, still staring at him, she hadn't meant to shout...he looked so hurt...**

**She blinked, and a tear scuttered down one cheek to her jaw, and she drew in a breath as though she were suddenly coming back to life and she fell against him, her fists balled up against his chest and it took him a moment to react, to wrap his arms, tentatively at first, about her.**

**He just held her, feeling her shaking against him, until finally she drew in a long, jaggered breath and she whispered desperately against him.**

**"That's him."**

**She hissed, pushing up a hand between them and placing a finger into her mouth, biting down on it, trying to stop the violent rattle of her teeth inside her own head.**

**"On the television."**

**She gulped in a breath without meaning to.**

**"On the television, that's him. It's him."**

**She whispered and whilst she struggled against her own body's reaction to her memories, he stared over her shoulder, into the face of the man who had broken her.**

****More soon! The next update will be longer, I just felt this worked better if I left it as this one scene. Hopefully you think so too?!****

****M-is-for... I particularly enjoyed imagining Connie in Max's oversized jumper too, hence my writing it. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the lovely reviews that you write! And you will find out soon who the rapist is, and what his motives were...and why he's still in England...****

****Kendal-Rose: I'm glad you've discovered this one too, I hope you're enjoying it as much as Heavy Rain?!****

****To those that asked if you could see the picture I drew of Amanda Mealing, it's here - art****

****And to all of the 'guests' who write reviews – thank you! ****


	32. Chapter 32

**"I don't know what to say."**

**Max whispered, looking down at his hands, they were pale, and his fingers fidgeted against one another whilst his knee jiggled up and down repetitively.**

**They were sat on the sofa next to one another, though not quite touching. He was bent forwards, his hands clasped between his knees whilst she sat stiffly, perfectly upright and staring ahead, the television still paused on that one image. The man she would never forget staring blankly back at them, coffee cup mid-way to his lips.**

**He looked over at her.**

**"Do you remember everything?"**

**He asked quietly and she blinked, her lips twitched before she pursed them, inhaling through her nose as she nodded, swivelling her eyes to look at him.**

**"Everything."**

**She confirmed quietly and he looked back to his fingers, not wanting to look back up at the screen before them.**

**"Should we..."**

**"I'm not speaking to the police."**

**She said quickly, her voice so hard, her teeth clenched so that her jaw began to ache and pulse behind her cheeks, her teeth grinding and squeaking together.**

**"That wasn't what I was going to say."**

**He murmured, the loveliness of the weekend seemed to have left with the snow, and like the weather, which was slowly growing warmer, there was no chance of it returning though he wished it would...**

**She didn't ask what he had been going to say, and he didn't tell her. Instead he leant back slowly, allowing the sofa cushions to encase him and he held out an arm to her which she eyed suspiciously.**

**He gestured with his hand for her to come closer and she exhaled, giving in and leaning against him. He held her tightly, rubbing his thumb up and down along her upper arm until he felt her relax.**

**"I think we should go back."**

**She whispered against his bare chest, her breath tickling his skin, and the brief memory of last night flitted across his mind, how every one of her breathless kisses from his lips to his chest had made him ache for her...how warm she'd been, how unlike her steely professional persona she'd been as she'd pulled him closer to her, deeper into her, kissing him as though she'd fought against it for years.**

**He sighed, exhaling the weight from his shoulders through dry parted lips.**

**"Are you sure?"**

**He asked, turning his head so that his lips pressed against her hair. He felt her draw in a long breath that she held within her chest before releasing it, and she nodded again.**

**"I need to get back. I need to prove to him that he may have hurt me, but he hasn't broken me."**

**She said firmly, though there was a slight wobble to her voice that lessened as he tightened his grip on her. How secure he made her feel, even now...**

**"You can take as long as you need? You don't have to go back right now..."**

**"I do...Max, I do."**

**She looked up at him, his body so warm against hers. She glanced to his lips, even now she wanted to kiss them, to have his kisses make everything better. She felt the prick of a smile at her mouth, how childish the thought was.**

**"I need to."**

**She added, and she slipped her fingers into his palm, holding onto him tightly.**

**"Will you come with me?"**

**She whispered and he smiled, still this vulnerable Connie surprised him, but he liked how needed it made him feel.**

**"Of course I'll come with you!"**

**He said, slightly confused, he had no intention of staying without her. **

**"I meant, will you be there? when I go in, will you stay with me? I don't want to be in the office on my own."**

**She glanced down at their hands, embarrassed by how pathetic she felt.**

**"I'll stay."**

**He said, and she exhaled, relieved. **

**She moved slowly from the sofa, pulling him with her towards the bedroom so that they could pack their things, but before they made their way into the bedroom she stopped abruptly, turning to him ,still holding his hands and she let out a breath, smiling ever so slightly.**

**"I love you for everything you've done for me."**

**She whispered.**

**"Thank you."**

**"You're speaking as though it's the end of it...us...?"**

**He murmured.**

**She shook her head, smiling more now so that her dimples showed beneath her freckles.**

**"It's not the end, it's just the beginning."**

****More tonight. ****

****Kendal-Rose: I'm so glad everyone likes Tristan in Heavy Rain (I'd originally written him to kill him off!) I've fallen a little bit in love with him I think ;)****

****Poisonous Snowflake: Glad you are feeling better and you enjoyed the last chapter!****

****And to all of the guests...thank you! ****

****As for the drawing I did of Amanda Mealing, I did try to put in a link at the bottom of the last update, perhaps they are not allowed and automatically deleted? I'll try again but if it disappears again, the link to my website ison my little profile thingy on here, the picture is on the 'Art' page. Xxx Link: art****


	33. Chapter 33

**They took a taxi home, avoiding the train delays, though both were glad that they didn't have to wait at Holby station, remembering who had stood there before them, though neither said anything.**

**As they neared the city Connie instructed the driver to change course slightly and head straight for the hospital.**

**Max glanced at her, but knew better than to question her. He could see her gradually rebuilding those prized barriers, gradually piecing together someone else, her other self, not just Connie, but Connie Beauchamp ****MBBS FRCS (CTh) FETCS...**

**It took only a couple of minutes for them to reach the hospital. It loomed before them, grey as the sky behind it. **

**She paid the fair and opened the door, stepping out quickly with her bag, not giving herself the time to second guess her decision.**

**"So..."**

**Max took the bag from her hand, she watched him take it from her and looked up at him as they moved together towards the entrance.**

**"What are we doing here?"**

**He asked, keeping his voice low.**

**Connie pushed her hair back from her face, though the wind whipped it back again so that it caught on her lips, in her mouth...**

**"I'm double checking."**

**She answered cryptically, and she teased another strand from her mouth, pushing it firmly behind her ear.**

**They reached the double doors, moving through them and into reception.**

**"Double checking..."**

**He coaxed as they made to by-pass reception, all to aware of the stares and backward glances tossed in their direction.**

**"I want to watch the CCTV footage. I want to double check that it was him."**

**She murmured.**

**"Morning Mrs Beauchamp..."**

**Noel called, Louise standing at his side, clutching paperwork to her chest, her chin lowered,her eyes watching...**

**"Morning."**

**"Back then?"**

**"I am."**

**Her heels cracked sharply against the floor, her hair, now tamed, bounced against her shoulders...she was back.**

**They made their way through onto the ward, the smell hit them, bleach, surgical spray...A ripple of glances faded in their wake, paling into a murmur of gossip, and as they reached her office Max felt the tug of someone's hand on his arm. **

**He turned, Robyn held up her hands.**

**"And where have you been?!"**

**She exclaimed, glancing quickly to Connie who remained expressionless.**

**"Me?"**

**Max stalled.**

**"Uh...we've been away, Charlie said...he said...I've just been, helping really..."**

**He cleared his throat and pushed his hands into his pockets, trying to ignore the amusement that curled Robyn's lips.**

**"You're not...?"**

**She began, looking again to Connie, her eyes narrowed with suspicion and she placed her hands on her hips.**

**"We're not?"**

**Max repeated and Robyn raised a pale eyebrow.**

**"Well, you are just friends, right?"**

**She asked, and Connie folded her arms about her chest.**

**"Correct."**

**She said, and Robyn looked up at her, her cheeks flushing pink as they so easily did.**

**"Max has been incredibly supportive. I don't think I need spell it out to you that a man and a woman can have a non-sexual relationship?"**

**Connie continued, her voice steady, her eyes staring Robyn down until the nurse felt compelled to look away.**

**"No..."**

**She murmured and looked down at her hands, and without another word she turned to leave, but as Connie made her way over to the office door she caught the 'Good Luck' that Robyn whispered to Max before her retreat.**

**She rested her hand upon the door handle, looking pointedly to Max.**

**"Why did she say good luck?"**

**She asked sharply, and Max drew in a breath and shrugged.**

**"Because she thinks you're terrifying. I'm sorry...are we...have I just imagined the past few days?**

**He exhaled and watched as she narrowed her eyes, her lips so perfectly pink and the corners down turned slightly.**

**"Sorry?"**

**She murmured and he rolled his eyes, his hands moving within his pockets.**

**".I don't know...a man and a woman can have a non-sexual relationship? Unless I'm very much mistaken, what we did last night was pretty sexual...very...very sexual actually...In fact, correct me if I'm wrong but we did have sex, numerous times...you can't get more sexual than that."**

**"Will you stop saying 'sex'."**

**She hissed, cutting him off, and he drew in his bottom lip, biting against it with his teeth, trying not to laugh at her.**

**"In the office."**

**She murmured, and opened the door.**

**"Sorry."**

**He sighed as he passed her by and waited as she closed the door behind them.**

**"I wasn't telling you off, I was just saying we should go into the office."**

**She said quietly, shrugging off her coat and hanging it on the back of the door.**

**"Oh...it's hard to tell with you sometimes."**

**He mused, following suit and pulling off his jacket, turning to hang it up over hers but finding her staring at him.**

**"I'm joking...trying to lighten the mood...hello?"**

**He'd moved over to hang his coat on the door as he'd been speaking but as he reached up to the coat hook the door swung open and he had to step backwards to avoid being hit.**

**"Mrs Beauchamp?"**

**A man neither of them recognised entered, he was tall and broad like a rugby player and his face was lined and tanned, his head bald and as he moved his scalp caught the light.**

**"I'm sorry, did I say come in?"**

**Connie asked, taken aback. **

**The man smiled slightly and shook his head, showing the palms of his hands.**

**"No, but I've been asked to accompany anybody using this office...after what happened to you...what with them not finding the attacker..."**

**He said, his voice was thick and he had a northern accent, similar to Max's own.**

**Max glanced from the man in the doorway to Connie, he caught the slight tremble of her hand, and could see the quickening of her pulse at her throat.**

**"Thank you but that won't be necessary."**

**She said quickly, and Max moved towards her, standing ever so slightly in front of her and reached for her hand, just touching his fingers against her own, feeling the shake of her hand against his.**

**"I'm afraid I have to stay."**

**The man said with a shrug of his shoulders.**

**Connie parted her lips, struggling to fight down the anxiety that she felt beginning to build.**

**"You have to?"**

**Max asked, repeating his words, and he looked at him, glancing quickly to their hands...the closeness of their bodies.**

**"I've been asked to keep an eye on you."**

**He said, looking back at Connie, ignoring Max.**

**Connie exhaled sharply, and Max couldn't quite tell if she was about to laugh or if she was beginning to panic.**

**"Oh really! Well, there really is no need, so kindly leave me alone, before I call security."**

**She laughed, though the sound of it was hollow and the man in the door way sighed loudly and folded his arms so that his upper arms stretched the fabric of his shirt taught.**

**Max felt the flick of Connie's fingers, could feel her breath quicken. She was beginning to panic. **

**"I am security"**

**The man laughed, though he wore no badge.**

**"Well then, kindly show yourself out."**

**Connie said with much more strength than she felt and he cocked his head to one side, regarding her with obvious amusement.**

**"If you say so."**

**He sighed, and he began to back out of the door.**

**"Before you go!"**

**Connie called out abruptly and he stopped mid-step, hand on the side of the door to pull it closed.**

**"Who asked you to keep an eye on me?"**

**She asked, her words catching as she spoke. But he merely shook his head and with one movement had closed the door behind himself.**

****More soon! In the next Chapter Connie will explain to Max who the attacker was...xxx****

****Apologies for no updates last night, we're having great trouble with our internet connection after one of my children drove their sit in car into the router!****


	34. Chapter 34

**Connie pushed the DVD into the drive of her laptop and waited while it whirred and clicked and a black box appeared in the middle of her laptop screen. She sat before it, Max leaning over her shoulder, one hand resting on the desk.**

**She double clicked and the black box filled the whole screen. There was a crackle of white and then the video from the security cameras began to play.**

**She folded her hands into her lap, feeling Max's breath rhythmically against the side of her head as she forced herself to watch.**

**On the screen members of staff and members of the public milled back and forth, a wheelchair paused briefly and they saw Rita speak to the man who sat within it. **

**Max made his way passed a couple of times, and Connie found herself watching him more intently, following his movements, the slow swagger of his walk, the smile and glint of his eye as he mouthed something to Cal who raised up his middle finger in passing and Max's on screen image laughed a silent laugh and Connie remembered, from within her office that day, hearing somebody laugh loudly from just outside. **

**She glanced down to the time at the bottom of the video, the seconds ticking down, any moment now she would see him. She watched with bizarre fascination as she appeared on the screen, she remembered now, she'd opened the door and looked out for some reason, she watched herself, she'd forgotten why she had opened the door as soon as she had done it, and even now she couldn't remember why she had...**

**The hazy form of herself, her hair against her shoulders, her white blouse loose against her chest...she stood for a moment watching the people pass by, still she had no recollection of what she had been doing in the office prior to that moment of forgetfulness.**

**Then Max passed by again pushing a a child on a bed and as he passed her by he tossed her a smile, and from behind her she felt his breath quicken...**

**"I remember that smile."**

**She murmured, and he pressed his cheek against the side of her head, his body warm and comforting against her back**

**On the screen Max had almost disappeared, but just before he moved out of shot he'd glanced back just once to Connie who hadn't noticed...but now she saw, and she couldn't help but allow the slip of a smile to crack her dry lips.**

**She watched herself move back into the office, and the door closed. Seconds ticked by and no body else appeared in the corridor. Twelve seconds of silence in all.**

**And then she saw him, and before she realised it she'd hit pause, more from the reflex, his appearance making her jump.**

**Her finger paused over the play button, her hand trembling and she licked her lips. Max remained silent, just waiting, only the back of someone visible, the same slick black Armani coat with the oversized collar pulled high and a black peaked cap pulled down so that the only skin visible was the tip of his right ear.**

**She made to press play but somehow her finger refused to move, and it took several attempts to convince herself to press the button until she actually managed to. **

**The picture on the laptop sprung back into life and they watched him walk quickly to the office, not once did he hesitate, not even when he reached the door, where, with one quick movement he had opened It and he was in, the door closed behind.**

**And there they waited, staring at the screen, Connie barely able to breathe through the seconds that followed, counting them, loosing count, glancing up at the grainy shadow of her doorway on the screen as if wiling herself to come out unscathed.**

**She felt herself become light headed and realised that she had been holding her breath...she couldn't bare to think of what was happening, couldn't quite comprehend what she was watching.**

**It took almost four minutes for Max to appear again, he stopped abruptly, and Connie realised that must have been when he had heard her scream for the first time. She felt Max tense behind her, heard him faintly clear his throat...**

**On screen it only took him a second or two to react, but Max had been convinced it had been longer. They watched as he suddenly began to move again, he hesitated before the door, almost flinching backwards from it – he must have heard something – and then he opened the door, but almost before he had entered, the man came out, pushing passed Max so roughly that for a moment it looked as if he might tumble over.**

**Connie leant back slightly, pressing herself against Max, instinctively leaning back from the image on the screen as he walked towards her, his face obscured by his hand holding his collar tight about his face, and he walked as he had done earlier, with such purpose that no one would suspect a thing...**

**One minute and thirteen seconds later Max appeared in the doorway carrying Connie within his arms. She felt Max look away behind her, unable to look at the screen, though she found she couldn't look away, transfixed by this bizarre out of body experience she seemed to be having. **

**This part she would never remember, as she lay within Max's arms, unconscious, her head lolling back against him as though her neck were broken, and she looked unmistakeably dead.**

**The video ended and the screen turned black again.**

**Connie exhaled and felt the cool at her back as Max stood up. She twisted around in the seat to find him standing staring at the wall, his eyes glittered and he tilted his chin back as if to tilt the tears back in.**

**"Max..."**

**She whispered and she watched as the very corner of his mouth twitched in response and he looked at her as though if he tried to speak, he may never stop crying.**

**She stood up and reached out to him, touching the rough wool of his jumper at his elbow, fingering the loose threads, hesitating before curling herself against him, waiting whilst he wrapped his arms slowly about her back, her head against the thump of his heart and his chin firmly against the top of her head.**

**She closed her eyes and just listened to his heart beat for a moment, taking comfort in it's quiet beat.**

**"Who was he?"**

**She felt him struggle to speak, his voice thin and his breath staggered.**

**She remained silent for a moment, rolling the thoughts about within her head, squeezing her eyes closed even tighter before exhaling and opening them just enough to see the curve of his chest beneath the jumper.**

**"He was a surgeon in the states."**

**She began slowly, carefully, all to aware that if she spoke too quickly she might spook herself and be unable to continue.**

**"I didn't know him that well, but we worked together a few times...we met up a couple of times after work, he said he would show me the best places to eat..."**

**She stared at the fabric of his top until it became a blur of colour before her eyes.**

**"It went on for months, he'd take me out, we'd have fun, and then we'd go home...separately. But then he started behaving differently, for a while he sent me flowers, bought me chocolates, rang me incessantly just to hear me say hello and then he would hang up...and then it was as if he were frustrated, as though I wasn't behaving in the way that he had expected me too...that I wasn't 'returning the favour...or at least the feelings'..."**

**She closed her eyes again...**

**"He told me that he loved me, that he wanted more from me...and I told him that I knew that he was married."**

**She paused, bracing herself.**

**"He went home and I thought it was all over with. But that night his wife was admitted to the department with stab wounds, he said that she'd been mugged but..."**

**She felt Max stiffen and she drew in a steadying breath.**

**"She died. And when he came to me to tell me that he still loved me, and that now we could be together, I told him that I didn't love him...couldn't love him, that I didn't want him...I think he blamed my not loving him in return, for him murdering his wife..."**

**She whispered and Max tilted his head in towards her.**

**"Why is he not in prison?"**

**He asked, his voice void of emotion and Connie held him tighter.**

**"Before medicine he'd worked for the police force...I don't know what happened, but like everything, it helps to have friends in high places..."**

**She tailed off and he uncurled his fist and placed his palm flat against her back.**

**"You know it won't be the same here...with the police..."**

**He said quietly and she sighed slowly. She knew that, deep down, she knew that now that she could prove it, that he wouldn't get away with it, not here.**

**"Come with me."**

**She whispered, and he tightened his grip on her and nodded ever so slightly.**

**"Of course I will."**

**He said.**

****More soon! Apologies for the huge delays I've been so busy in amongst everyone being ill. Back to regular updates now! Reviews welcome as always! xxx****


	35. Chapter 35

**"Are you off?"**

**Charlie asked as Max followed Connie back through reception and towards the double doors.**

**********_"_****I usually am when I'm putting my coat on."**

**Connie murmured, buttoning up her coat and tugging her bag back up onto her shoulder. Charlie watched them leave, noticing how Max stayed just that little bit behind her, as though somehow that would through people off the scent.**

**"Are we going to the police station now?"**

**Max asked, waiting whilst Connie unlocked the car.**

**"Before I lose my nerve."**

**She said and opened the door, tossing in her bag and slipping gracefully into the seat, the leather squeaking and moulding to her body as she clipped on her seat belt.**

**Max closed his door and she briefly checked her mirrors before reversing out of the parking space and pulling off, taking the corners just a little too quickly as she manoeuvred the car out of the car park and out onto the road. **

**The sun was high and the cloudless blue sky hung above them, seemingly optimistic in it's brightness. **

**The drive to the police station was short, too short, Connie felt, too short to gather her thoughts together into something resembling coherence. They parked a little way from the entrance, outside were parked a long clean line of police cars, all glinting in the sunshine, waiting to be needed.**

**"Ready?"**

**Max asked eventually, and Connie smiled slightly, feeling her heart thump within her neck, literally feeling the skin fluttering at her throat.**

**She looked down at her hands that lay resting in her lap, she looked at her fingers, unmoving and white, traced with grooves and lines, they looked older than she remembered, she felt older...she glanced at him, his face was pale and his jaw was tense though he attempted a smile.**

**He reached out a hand and touched her own, his own fingers protecting hers, masking the lines and wrinkles with the smooth surface of his. **

**"What do I say?"**

**She whispered, she could see the reflection out of the corner of her eye in the rear view mirror. She felt cold.**

**His coat shuffled as he drew up his shoulders, trying to think of what to say, what to tell her to say...**

**"You tell them what happened."**

**He said eventually and she smiled slightly at the simplicity of what he'd said, how she wished it was that simple...to go into that police station, and, to politely tell the police officer who was manning reception that day, that she had been raped, and that not only had she just found out who It was that had so violently assaulted her, but that he was here, in the country, in the city..perhaps he was even in the next car...**

**She found herself glancing to the next car but it was empty.**

**Without allowing herself to think further, she placed a trembling hand on the handle and opened the door, stepping out into the cold and feeling the heel of her stiletto wobble before finding a groove in the cement to rest in. **

**Max slammed his door making her jump. She locked the car and he was beside her, walking with her passed the lines of cars to the entrance.**

**Once inside she realised she barely had any recollection of making their way across the police station car park, and was somewhat surprised to find that they were standing in the small reception, waiting for someone to come into the little office area. **

**They glanced about themselves, there was a line of brown leather seats, but they remained standing. By the door was a tall pot plant, and above them was the screen of a security camera, showing them an image of themselves from above, and Connie thought for a moment how unflattering the images on security cameras seemed to be. Was there really any need for it...**

**"Connie, I just want to say..."**

**Max touched her arm, bringing her out of the day dream that she had found herself in and she looked away from the screen, looking back at him, his face illuminated from the milky winter sunshine that showed through the glass door.**

**"I just want you to know that you're not alone."**

**He said quietly, looking slightly uncomfortable, as though he had only just scratched the surface of what he wanted to say.**

**She smiled slightly and reached out to take his hand, not worrying that he would feel how she was shaking.**

**"Just...I just..."**

**He began again but he paused, not finding the right words, and he let out a sigh and tilted his head to look at her.**

**"I'll always be here...if you need me."**

**He said eventually, still struggling to put into words all that he felt and all that he wanted to say to her. **

**She smiled as if she knew anyway, and she squeezed his fingers, her lips quivering slightly.**

**"I need you."**

**She whispered.**

****More soon xxx****


	36. Chapter 36

They sat, waiting, whilst the police officer before them finished writing up the notes.

Connie glanced up at the clock, it had taken her little over fifteen minutes to tell him everything, and now she felt somehow as though that hadn't been long enough, that fifteen minutes hadn't felt long enough to get across to the young, ginger haired police man that this was something important.

"Is that all?"

He asked, looking up at her over a pair of black rimmed glasses and she laughed unexpectedly. She felt Max glance at her, his hand on her thigh beneath the desk.

She cleared her throat and touched her fingers to her lips.

"Yes, that's all."

She said quietly and Max pressed his fingers against her leg again.

"Ok, Mrs Beauchamp, we'll get this processed, but for now I'd suggest we have an officer on duty outside your house, just to be on the safe side."

He spoke as though he was bored, as though he'd been through this sort of situation over and over again...or worse, that he suspected she was merely over-reacting and the image of a person she had seen on the BBC news wasn't who she knew it was at all.

He stood up slowly and gathered up his note pad and pen and stood by the door to the little room, holding it open for them, waiting patiently while they stood, arranged themselves and slipped passed him.

"Is that ALL?!"

Connie hissed as they made their way down the short corridor, back through reception and out into the sunshine.

Max let his shoulder bump up against hers and he sought out her fingers as they crossed the car park.

"And I don't want someone waiting outside my house."

She muttered, and Max couldn't help but smile at how sulky she sounded.

"You've got to be careful, how would Grace feel if anything happened to you?"

He asked, and he saw the flicker of something pass behind her eyes.

"I know how I would feel."

He added quietly as they stopped at the car and Connie reached into her pocket for her car keys. She looked up at him, eyebrows very slightly raised, her fingers paused on the metal of the keys and without any warning she retracted her hand from her pocket and took hold of the front of his jacket, balling up the fabric within her fist and pulling him closer, so that he had to take his hands from his own pockets to steady himself before she kissed him, her face cold against his and her lips pressed so hard against his, she opened her mouth, feeling him relax slightly as she touched her tongue to his and slipped her other hand up across his chest, feeling how solid he was beneath the layers he wore.

"I want you."

She pulled away ever so slightly as she spoke.

"What, here?! Bit kinky..."

He flashed a grin and she felt compelled to kiss him again, but instead she shook her head and stepped back from him, resting both hands against his chest and glancing down between them.

"Sorry..."

She whispered and his smile began to fade and he reached out to her to stop her from moving away, his hands moving around her waist to hold her still and he stepped closer, interlacing his fingers against her spine.

"Don't be sorry."

He leant forwards and kissed her on the forehead.

"You can have me. But first, let me take you somewhere."

He whispered, looking down at her, feeling her begin to shiver.

"Where?"

She asked and he shook his head, smiling again.

"It's a secret. Keys?"

He held out his hand and she hesitated, looking up at him, one eyebrow raised.

"You want to drive?"

She asked slowly and he looked down pointedly to the pocket where her keys were. She frowned slightly and he gave a soft half-laugh.

"You trust me enough to have sex with me, but you don't trust me enough to drive your car?"

He asked quietly and she frowned again, though this time she reached back into her pocket and withdrew the keys, holding them out to him.

"Sure?"

He asked and she nodded.

"You won't regret it."

He said, and gestured theatrically for her to make her way round to the passenger seat whilst he unlocked the car.

They drove for half an hour, Connie only took a moment or two to relax as Max drove, and for the first half of the journey she had glanced over at him occasionally, just looking at him, the angular arc of his cheek bone and the line of his jaw, the occasional purse of his lips, the glint of his eye, a fractured blue and squinted as the sun bloomed from behind a cloud.

She smiled faintly and let her head rest back against the head rest, allowing her eyes to close as she yawned and felt the warmth of the sun on her face as it came through the window and in that brief spell of quiet warmth she fell asleep.

She was awoken by a soft jolt of the car as it turned into a drive, and the engine turned off. She lifted her head, no idea of how long she had been asleep. She turned to face him, he was smiling at her, his eyes clouded with affection.

"Where are we?"

She asked, dipping her head to see out of the wind screen. The sun was beginning to grow low in the sky and it hung a brilliant burning orange behind the trees.

"My house."

He said quietly, and she looked out at the student housing.

"Max..."

She murmured but he silenced her with a brief shake of his head.

"No ones there. Robyn and Lofty are working a double shift, they're saving up to go on holiday..."

He tailed off and drew up his shoulders.

"I wanted to show you where I live...if you can stomach this then I know you're really interested."

He winked as though he was joking but there was the nervousness within his eyes that hinted at his genuine worry that she might even refuse to go in.

He watched her look back out of the wind screen at the house, her mouth slightly open, her eyes wide as she strained to look through the glass and the setting sun shone brilliantly against her hair, making it glow auburn against her shoulders.

"I just let you drive my car..."

She murmured, as though he shouldn't need any more proof, and without another word she opened the door and stepped out onto the gravel of the drive. She shivered, it was growing steadily colder and she could see her breath billow out before her.

Max hurried to the door and she followed him, pulling her coat tight about her chest, waiting whilst he fumbled with a sticky lock and kicked the bottom of the door to let them in.

"What do we do now?"

She asked, following him into the small sitting room, casting an eye about the clutter and half drunk cups of hot chocolate...

"Now, you sit, try to relax, ignore the smell, we don't know what it is, and I am going to cook for you. Then I'm going to run you a bath, and then...who knows..."

He smiled widely and watched her move a pile of Robyn's laundry so that she could sit down, and he made his way into the kitchen.

**More soon x Have just started working on a novel (a real one ;) ) so trying to divide my time evenly between everything I'm writing. xxx**


	37. Chapter 37

"Nice? It's the only thing we had..."

Max asked, and Connie touched the corners of her lips with her hand, she hadn't had spaghetti bolognaise since she was a child.

"It's lovely."

She murmured, though she'd left most it, preferring instead to sip the lemonade he'd poured her into a wine glass.

"Not hungry?"

He asked and she smiled slightly, still glancing about the room every so often as if she was expecting someone else to appear.

"I could make something else?"

He asked but she shook her head and her smile grew, he was so kind, she thought.

"I'm fine. Just not that hungry, after today..."

"Well!"

Max cut her off though he hadn't thought of what to say, he didn't want her to think of her attacker, or the police, or anything other than relaxing.

"About that bath..."

He said quietly, standing up and taking hold of both bowls, balancing them on one arm with the practised skill of a waiter and left her to follow him into the kitchen.

"You know you don't have to?"

She murmured, watching as he scraped her uneaten food into the bin and began rinsing out the bowls under the tap.

He looked over at her.

"I'm going to run you a bath whether you like it or not."

He said and he placed the dishes on the draining board and shook his hands instead of drying them with a tea towel.

"candles...bubble bath, Robyn's, not mine..."

"You?"

Connie asked, tilting her head and Max laughed.

"I don't think there'll be room."

He said but she smiled and held out her hand to him which he took with his slightly damp one.

"Show me?"

She asked and he drew in a breath, propelling himself from where he stood and, still holding her hand he led her upstairs to the top of the house to the bathroom opposite his room.

She waited patiently on the landing, watching as Max rifled in the bathroom cupboard, finding tiny rose shaped candles and placing them on the rim of the sink and along the window sill before using the lighter from his pocket to light them and filling the bath with hot bubbling water, the bubbles rising and hissing as they grew.

"M'lady?"

He gestured for her to enter and she smiled and she joined him, closing the door behind her, making sure to lock it despite the house being empty, and she began slowly unbuttoning her blouse, slipping it from her shoulders and placing it on a peg on the back of the door before reaching for the zip of her jeans.

"Aren't you going to at least try?"

She asked, and he looked down at the bath, gauging it's size, it was a corner bath, the taps in the middle and he couldn't imagine it would be that comfortable if they did both manage to get in, but he tugged his jumper off over his head nonetheless and pulled down his jeans, trying not to watch her undress, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

Once they had both undressed, Max held out a hand to her, helping her into the bath, there was no mat and the bubble bath had made it slippy. She bent down, arranging herself beneath the water, her legs curled up against her chest and she looked up, watching as he stepped in behind her, she felt the water ripple and wave back and forth and the ceramic of the tub squeaked as he sat down, she felt his knees at her back.

"I feel like we're in a boat."

He said, taking hold of the edge and moving his legs one after the other so that she sat in between his thighs and leant back against him, feeling him move so that he could rest back against the end of the bath, and at last they were comfortable.

Max draped his arms across her shoulders, his hands pressed flat against her chest and the top of her head rested against his cheek.

There was a ripple of water and she lifted her hand to run her fingers over his, the water lapping against her rips and rushing up between her breasts to pool in the little dip in the centre of her collar bone.

It was all he could do not to stare down at her, the soft curve of her cheek and her mouth just in view, a soft smile at it's corners, her hair curled in wet black curlicues against her shoulder and the gentle swell of her breasts that rose and fell as she breathed, the rest of her body hidden beneath the bubbles.

She drew in a long breath and sighed, shifting ever so slightly so that she was just an inch or so higher up, her body pressed tightly against his beneath the surface of the water and she turned, arcing her back to kiss him on the cheek, smiling and brushing her lips against his stubble.

He slowly traced a vague heart shape on the wet skin just above her right breast, then paused, all of a sudden he couldn't remember which side the heart actually was. He drew a slightly larger one now, the point of it stretching up the soft curve of her chest and he felt her hold her breath, pushing up ever so slightly, waiting as he drew a third, her nipple stiffening beneath his fingers. She rolled her head so that he lips touched against his throat and he felt her breath vibrate against him.

"You're hard."

She whispered, she could feel his erection against her back.

"Of course I'm hard, you're laying on top of me naked."

He murmured, his breath whispering against her forehead.

She smiled a slow satisfied smile and moved slowly against him.

"You should do something about that."

she sighed.

**More soon! xxx**


	38. Chapter 38

**"Tell me something true."**

**Connie whispered, her head resting on Max's chest, her legs stretched down the length of the bed, the cover loosely pulled up to their waists.**

**"Something true, something true..."**

**Max inhaled as he spoke, his chest rising beneath her, his skin was warm smelled of bubble bath.**

"I hate peas."

He said at last and she smiled gently against him, tracing small circles against the skin of his stomach, feeling the flutter of his skin beneath her fingertips.

**"No, something real, something no one else knows."**

**She murmured.**

**"Something no one else knows..."**

**He repeated it slowly, rolling the words around his mouth, narrowing his eyes.**

**"Well, that's a very difficult question."**

**He decided, and he exhaled and tilted his head so that she could feel the stubble of his jaw against her forehead.**

**"Why's that?"**

**She asked quietly, and she stopped drawing circles and pressed her hand flat against his stomach, feeling the heat of him and the soft hairs that curled beneath her palm.**

**"Because I can only think of one thing that nobody else knows, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell you it."**

**He said slowly, and she raised herself up slightly so that she looked down on him, her hair falling over one shoulder, the waves of it pooling against his chest.**

**She just looked at him, not sure whether she was waiting for him to speak, or whether she was just thinking over what he'd said, wondering whether it could have meant something else...**

**But she could see it on his lips, they hesitated, half open as if he couldn't quite bring himself to speak.**

**"What about you?"**

**He whispered finally, and his voice came out all in one breath, relieved to find something to say.**

**She drew in a breath, held it for a moment and let it out slowly through her nose.**

**"Too many things."**

**She breathed, and she shuffled closer to him.**

**"But more than anything I'm scared."**

**She whispered. **

**He tightened his grip on her, brushing his chin against her.**

**"What're you scared of?"**

**He asked quietly.**

**She cleared her throat.**

**"Aside from the obvious?"**

**She asked, all to aware that he hadn't wanted her to think of the attack, of the policeman sitting outside her house and he nodded against her.**

**"I'm scared of this..."**

**She let her words tail off and he waited for her to continue.**

**"I'm scared that you'll give up on me, that I'm just some passing fancy...and I'm scared of what people will think..."**

**"Because I'm just a porter?"**

**He cut in softly and she raised her head to look up at him again.**

**"I've just had enough of being gossiped about, and this...this would just give them more to laugh about."**

**She looked down at him, wishing he could understand.**

**"Why would they laugh?"**

**He asked carefully, looking back up at her, her hand pressed firmly against his chest.**

**She sighed again and slipped her hand up to touch his collar bone.**

**"Because I'm a porter?"**

**He said again and she frowned.**

**"No! No...even if you were a doctor, or a consultant, you're still a lot younger than me, I'm sure most people would assume It was just a fling..."**

**She stopped, aware that what she'd said implied that it was something more.**

**"And people like you, the staff like you, I don't want your being with me to negatively affect you."**

**He frowned as she spoke and placed a hand across his face, briefly covering his eyes.**

**"This is a bit deep for post-sex talk."**

**He mumbled, slipping his hand from his face and letting it fall against the pillow.**

**"I just don't know if I can handle all of that at the moment. And as for Guy...I don't want to give him any more reasons to get rid of me."**

**She pulled in a breath.**

**"I don't want to have the added pressure of living up to other people's expectations, to have them waiting for us to fail..."**

**"I know."**

**He said quietly and he cupped the side of his face with his hand.**

**"Is that why you do it?"**

**He asked after a pause.**

**"Do what?"**

**"You push people away. You don't let them help you, even when you need it...you terrify and disappoint them from the start and then you're covered?"**

**He asked and from above him she her jaw tightened and she looked down at him without blinking.**

**"Something like that..."**

**She murmured and he ran his thumb along the length of her jaw.**

**"Well! You screwed up."**

**He said with a slight shrug of his shoulders.**

**"Pardon?"**

**She frowned, though he smiled.**

**"You never disappointed me."**

****More soon. My children have been surprisingly well behaved today so I've managed to update quite a few of my stories. Hope they've been enjoyed and everyones having a good day! xxx****


	39. Chapter 39

**Connie awoke to a creak on the landing and for a moment, in her foggy state of half sleep she whispered 'Grace'... and then, realising that Grace would be tucked up in her own bed at boarding school she exhaled and turned over, and with a start she realised that Max lay next to her and all at once it dawned on her where she was. **

**His room was dark, the house silent, she had no idea what the time was, she hadn't meant to fall asleep. She twisted, and as she did she caught the 'click' and close of the bedroom door.**

**She paused, holding her breath, she hadn't seen who it was, and she had no idea whether or not they'd seen, or recognised her.**

**She placed a hand on Max's chest, her fingers were trembling and his skin was surprisingly cold. She pulled the covers up over him and felt him stretch and he murmured something before opening his eyes.**

**"There was somebody at the door..."**

**She whispered, and it took him several moments to fully rise from his sleep.**

**"What?"**

**He mumbled, squinting against the dark, only making out the outline of her against the curtains.**

**"Somebody just opened your door."**

**She said again and she watched him glance over to the door, it was closed now, only the faint strip of light showed from below the door, shining a pale yellow against the carpet.**

**"Robyn, probably checking I'm here."**

**He yawned, failing to realise how panicked she was.**

**"What if she saw me?!"**

**She whispered, and her whole body stiffened as she heard another creak from outside and saw the flicker of a shadow move by behind the door.**

**Without saying a word Max pushed his legs free of the cover and stepped out into the cold, reaching blindly into the dark for something to wrap about his waist before he padded across the room to the door.**

**"What're you doing?"**

**Connie whispered, but he murmured a 'shh' before opening the door and stepping out into the blinding light of the landing. He pulled the door to, she heard the gurgle of water and flush of the toilet and then murmured voices. **

**She rolled onto her side, tugging the thin duvet up to her ears. The bed smelled of Max, the familiar comforting smell of his body embedded in every spring and fibre of the mattress. She breathed him in, trying to steady the gallop of her pulse within her throat, trying to convince herself that if Robyn had seen her, it wouldn't be so bad...**

**After only a minute or two the door opened again and Max reappeared. He closed the door firmly and she heard him drop whatever it was that he'd held about his waist and he was clambering back into the bed, his feet nudging her, trying not to step on her.**

**"Did she see me?"**

**She asked, and his body slipped beneath the covers, he was cold and he pressed against her making her skin prickle.**

**He shook his head and cleared his throat softly.**

**"She saw someone, but she didn't see it was you."**

**He said quietly and he bought his arms up around her, stroking her back, his fingers warming as they lazily ran the length of her spine, and gradually her body began to slacken against him.**

**"Would it matter that much...?"**

**He asked after a pause, his breath hot against her face.**

**"Max..."**

**She whispered, and she felt the rebound of her own breath against her mouth. **

**He pulled her tighter to him, moving the fingers of one hand in circles at the base of her spine, finding a particularly smooth stretch of skin that ran across from one hip to the other.**

**"I can't...not now..."**

**"I know."**

**He nudged his forehead against hers so that the tip of his nose pressed against hers and she felt the wince of excitement in the pit of her stomach as she thought of just how close his lips were and she couldn't help but raise her head ever so slightly so that her top lip just brushed against his and she felt him smile.**

**"You're ever so sexy..."**

**He whispered, his lips bumping against hers with every word, and it was her turn to smile.**

**"Am I?"**

**She murmured, and she shifted against him so that she could feel the gentle nudge of his erection against her stomach.**

**"You are."**

**He whispered, though his breath caught slightly as she slipped a hand down between them, skimming his chest and slowly easing her fingers across his stomach making him smile and hold his breath until she touched him and as he bent in to kiss her the wind rattled the glass in the windows, the trees murmured and a silent 'I love you...' whispered between them.**

****More soon...I have a poorly toddler so struggling to find the time to write (there is always something...!) Hopefully what I managed to write is enjoyed...xxx****


	40. Chapter 40

**It was morning. The sun cast shadows of the trees across the ceiling and the bright yellow of it burned at the backs of their eyes as they struggled to wake. **

**Max tightened his grip about her waist, her back pressed against his chest and he yawned, moaning into her ear.**

**"Morning."**

**She whispered, rubbing her eyes and smoothing the hair from her face. He squeezed her again and pressed his lips against her shoulder.**

**"Morning."**

**He kissed the very top of her shoulder, his stubble scratching gently against her skin.**

**There was a noise from downstairs, the sound of a kettle being placed on it's stand and the murmur of voices. Connie could hear the rumble of Lofty's voice and the sudden burst of laughter from Robyn.**

**"I shouldn't have stayed."**

**She murmured, and Max kissed her back again.**

**"How am I going to get out?!"**

**She asked, rolling over to face him, his smile greeting her, those lips, those straight white teeth and sparkling blue-grey of his eyes...**

**"Maybe you should stay, instead."**

**He whispered and she watched his mouth as he spoke, adoring the soft flex and tense of his jaw...**

**She groaned and stretched into him, turning her face into the pillow.**

**"They'll leave for work soon, you can stay, I'll make you lunch?"**

**He tempted, and she smiled up at him from where she lay, one arm loosely slug about his waist, her fingers drawing patterns on his back.**

**"That sounds nice..."**

**She sighed.**

**"Yeah?"**

**He murmured, rolling himself over so that he was on top of her, holding himself up above her.**

**She made to say something in response but there was the soft creak of someone on the stairs and she stiffened, widening her eyes at him.**

**"Just Robyn going to the toilet, she has to go at least twice before she leaves..."**

**He bent his head to kiss her but as his lips touched hers the bedroom door opened and both Robyn and Lofty appeared in the doorway.**

**"We're just going in, are you..."**

**Robyn stopped abruptly, her mouth open, her blue eyes wide and Lofty stood behind her, just staring.**

**Connie looked up at Max whose body pressed against hers, willing him to say something but for several moments there was nothing but silence, and then eventually Max exhaled and cleared his throat.**

**"I uh...I think I'm staying here today."**

**He said finally, all to aware that if he moved, the cover would be pulled away from Connie.**

**"Oh-kay..."**

**Robyn said slowly, still staring, Connie could feel the burn of her eyes on her, and finally she turned, making eye contact.**

**"Sorry, Mrs Connie...I mean Mrs..."**

**"It's fine."**

**Connie said sharply, her voice sounding louder than she'd expected it to and she felt Max jump slightly.**

**Robyn's cheeks flushed a dark pink and Lofty put a hand on her arm, trying to coax her away, back out of the door.**

**"We'll just..."**

**He gave Robyn another shove and she stumbled out of sight and the door closed with a bang as Lofty shuffled her out onto the landing.**

**Connie exhaled and Max collapsed on top of her, his head against hers, they could hear hushed voices from behind the door.**

**"I'm so sorry."**

**Max murmured into her neck, but she just lay still as if in a state of shock.**

**Robyn shrieked something from outside and Max let out a long sigh and rolled off of her and out the other side of the bed.**

**"I'll get rid of them."**

**He said, and he staggered about for a moment trying to pull on a pair of boxers without falling over before he made his way to the door, opening it abruptly so that the voices on the landing stopped.**

**He closed the door and she heard the creak of the stairs and Max's voice descending with them.**

**She sucked in a breath, she couldn't do this. She squeezed her eyes shut, she imagined the gossip...more gossip, more haunting looks, more whispering...**

**Robyn laughed from somewhere downstairs and ever so quietly she tossed back the covers and slipped out of the bed. She found a dressing gown that hung on the back of Max's door, it was dark blue and smelled thickly of smoke though she drew it about herself anyway and opened the door without making a sound.**

**She stopped and listened when she reached the top of the landing. There was a window at the top of the stairs and she saw the shadow of a sea gull against the wall. **

**She could hear them, Robyn was giggling again. She felt dizzy, her skin felt hot and she struggled to breathe properly.**

**She placed a foot tentatively on the top step, it creaked slightly as she made her way down to the next one, but the one after that was silent. She made it to the middle of the stairs before she sat down, forcing herself to breath slowly so that she could listen.**

**"I just can't believe that YOU have had sex with Mrs Beauchamp?!"**

**Robyn was laughing so much that her words were like breathless shrieks.**

**"Multiple times, actually."**

**She heard Max say. She swallowed hard, willing him to just leave it, to come back to her.**

**"I thought she'd have barbed wire knickers!"**

**Lofty was speaking now, and his words sent Robyn off into another fit of laughing snorts.**

**"Uh...no."**

**Max said, and there was the sound of a lid being taken from the kettle and the squeak of a tap followed by the gurgling rush of water and the tinny note of the kettle filling.**

**"So what was it like?"**

**Lofty lowered his voice so that she struggled to hear.**

**"What?"**

**Max's voice was muffled now, and she imagined him walking to the opposite end of the kitchen to place the kettle on to boil.**

**"What was it like...with HER?!"**

**Lofty asked, and she could tell he was smiling by the way his words sounded.**

**"Right, Lofty, pay attention."**

**Max spoke loudly, as though he were only a foot or so away from her, his back to the closed door.**

**"Yes?"**

**"Right, ok, imagine it. Her body, ****_that _****body? Yes? Are you imagining it?"**

**He asked.**

**"Yes..."**

**Lofty said and there was a pause. Connie could hear her own breath.**

**"Even better than that."**

**Max said finally and Robyn laughed again.**

**"Even better?!"**

**Lofty exclaimed and this time Max laughed, the sound of it made her feel sick.**

**"Even better..."**

**He murmured.**

**"Bloody hell, Max."**

**Robyn shrieked.**

**"Mmhmm. Anyway...I don't want to leave her too long, she might realise she's made a terrible mistake and try shimmying down the drain pipe."**

**The door handle turned but she didn't move. Instead she waited, she could see his hand on the door handle, and then all of him came through all at once. It took him a moment to realise she was there, his foot on the second step and he caught hold of the railing, swearing under his breath.**

**"You scared the life out of me!"**

**He hissed, but she didn't move, she just sat, the dressing gown pulled so tightly about her that it began to hurt her stomach where it was tied. **

**"Connie?"**

****More soon xxx****


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